WARNING: A special circuitry in this machine called a "crisis detector" senses the users
emotional state in terms of how desperately they need to use the machine. The crisis detector
then creates a malfunction proportional to the desperation of the user. Threatening the
machine with violence or the use of curses and obscenities may soothe the user, but will not
fool the crisis detector and will only aggravate the situation. Likewise, attempts to use
another machine may cause it to malfunction because they belong to the same union. Keep
calm and say nice things to the machine. Nothing else seems to work!