1. A Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining
that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his
old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat
failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer
labeled the diskettes then rolled them into the typewriter to
type the labels.
2. A customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new
computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit,
plugged it in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for
something to happen. When asked what happened when she
pressed the power switch, she asked "What power switch?"
3. A customer was perplexed by an error that would appear every
time he tried to print. The computer would say, "Looking for
LaserWriter," and after a while, "Can't find LaserWriter."
His solution? He turned the Mac so that the screen faced the
printer.
4. A Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer
worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and
water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all
the keys and washing them individually.
5. A Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to
fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the
technician discovered man was trying to fax a piece of paper
by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the
"send" key.
6. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled
floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer
asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone
down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door to
his room. (Must have been a manager.)
7. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was
enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and an
invalid". The tech explained that the computer's "bad
command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken
personally.
8. A new technician was sent into the field to install a new
video card. About the time they began to wonder if something
was wrong, the technician called in. "I have the monitor
apart. I just can't figure out where to install the video
card."
9. A person called tech support to complain that their fax wasn't
going through. The technician asked what was happening, and
the person on the other end of the phone said that they sent
a fax, but the person receiving the fax only received the
cover sheet and a blank page. The technician asked the caller
to try again. The same result. The technician asked the
caller how they loaded the outgoing fax, and this is what they
said, "It's a pretty sensitive memo, and I didn't want anyone
else to read it by accident, so I folded it so only the
recipient would open it and read it."
10. A telecomuter needed help setting up a new program, so the
tech suggested he go to the local Egghead. "Yeah, I got me a
couple of friends, "the customer replied. When told Egghead
was a software store, the man said, "Oh, I thought you meant
for me to find a couple of geeks."
11. A user came into a service bureau with a file on a 5.25"
diskette. The proprietor apologized and explained that the
user would have to get the job transferred to a 3.5" disk
first. The user asked, "Couldn't we just get a pair of
scissors and trim it?"
12. An AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective
diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the
customer along with photocopies of the floppies.
13. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't
get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the
computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what
happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I
pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens."
The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.
14. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse
was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned
out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
15. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to
"Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where
the "Any" key is.
16. I was working the help desk. One day one of the computer
operators called me and asked if anything "bad" would happen
if she dropped coins into the openings of her PC. I asked her
if this was something she was thinking of doing. She said,
"never mind" and hung up. So I got out my trusty tool kit and
paid her a visit. I opened her CPU case and sure enough -
there was 40 cents.
17. I worked with an Individual who plugged her power strip back
into itself and for the life of her could not understand why
her system would not turn on.
18. One customer held the mouse in the air and pointed it at the
screen, all the while clicking madly.
19. One of our servers crashed. I was watching our new
system administrator trying to restore it. He inserted a CD
and needed to type a path name to a directory named "i386".
He started to type it and paused, asking me, "Where's the key
for that line thing?"
I asked what he was talking about, and he said, "You
know, that one that looks like an upside-down exclamation
mark."
I replied, "You mean the letter "i"?" and he said, "Yeah,
that's it!"
20. One tech support person received a call from an angry woman
regarding the word processor she just bought. "All there is
inside the box is just some disks and a manual." It turned
out that she didn't even own a computer.
21. Tech Support: What does the screen say now.
Person: It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'.
Tech Support: Well?
Person: How do I know when it's ready?
22. True story from a Novell NetWire SysOp:
Caller: Hello, is this Tech Support?
Tech Rep: Yes, it is. How may I help you?
Caller: The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within
my warranty period. How do I go about getting that
fixed?
Tech Rep: I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?
Caller: Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer.
Tech Rep: Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's
because I am. Did you receive this as part of a
promotional, at a trade show? How did you get this
cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"
Caller: It came with my computer, I don't know anything
about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it.
At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he
couldn't stand it. The caller had been using the load drawer
of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the
drive!