Star Wars: The Drinking Game


To play the Star Wars Drinking game, you will need:
     1.    The Star Wars Trilogy on tape (one movie for a short game)
     2.    An ample supply of your favorite beverage (milk, right?)
     3.    A really good sound system, so the explosions seem to happen all around you. Kapow! (optional)

     Begin by inserting your weatherbeaten "Star Wars" videotape into the big slot on your VCR. Play the tape. Dim the lights for dramatic effect, if you haven't already. The game begins right as "20th Century Fox" appears.
     Basically, every time one of the listed events occurs, everybody takes a sip of their drink. If you are using alcoholic beverages, I really don't recommend emptying a whole glass each time. You will lose conciousness before Vader even says "Don't underestimate the Force."

Drink whenever:
     Someone has a bad feeling about this.
     It is Luke's Destiny.
     A TIE fighter explodes for no reason.
     Obi-Wan Kenobi materializes for a guest appearance.
     Luke discovers a long-lost relative.
     Han brags about the Millenium Falcon.
     Anybody insults the Millenium Falcon.
     Tarkin brags about the Death Star.
     Leia insults somebody.
     Luke whines.
     The Emperor cackles evilly.
     Yoda uses bad grammar.
     Yoda talks like a fortune cookie.
     An entire planet is described as having one climate.
     It's their only hope.
     R2-D2 gets thrashed.
     C-3PO loses a body part.
          (Take two drinks if he is completely dismembered.)
     Luke fights monsters or savages.
     Obi-Wan plays detective.
          ("...Only Imperial Stormtroopers are so precise.")
     Boba Fett talks.
     Somebody gets choked.
     A gigantic technological marvel explodes in a single blast.
     There is a tremor in the Force.
     Luke does some nifty acrobatic flip.
     Stormtroopers shoot everywhere but where they're aiming.
     R2-D2 plugs into the wrong socket and his head spins around.
     An old Jedi starts to ramble about the Force. (Vader counts)
     An Ewok dies, and the camera lingers longer than it did when
          the Death Star killed billions of people. (Fourteen
          seconds. Count 'em.)
     Somebody's hand gets cut off.
     The Emperor has foreseen something.
     Luke teeters on the brink of a chasm.
     Stormtrooper armor proves useless.

     The game ends when a bunch of Ewoks start dancing. No matter what you've been drinking, you will remember this image. The last person to give up drinking on each cue is the winner. Of course, ties are possible. If at some point you find that no one can successfully operate the VCR anymore, the game may as well be abandoned.

The Star Wars Drinking Game for Mormons

     The rules are basically the same as the other game but the drinking cues are different.
Drink when:
     Multiple Ewoks are killed.
     Stormtroopers display intelligence, courage, or training in
          battle.
     Fantastic technology is explained.
     Somebody listens to C-3PO.
     Somebody cares about the environment.
     The Emperor acts like a charming politician.
     C-3PO informs us of just how many forms of communication he's
          familiar with
     It's not someone's fault
     One or more heroes are almost eaten by a Thing
     Leia wears an outfit that covers everything except her face
          and hands.
          -- Twice if it covers her neck
          -- Three times if she's almost totally nude
     A Jedi is much more powerful than he looks
     C-3PO loses a body part
     A woman other than Leia is on screen
          Twice if she's a Rebel
          The whole container of whatever you're drinking if she's
               an Imperial (don't worry, it'll nver happen)
     Something doesn't work on the Falcon
          Twice if it's the hyperdrive
     Someone exclaims "No!"
     Luke is upside-down
     Someone does something apparently suicidal that turns out to
          be a good idea
          -- Twice if it's not Han
     Someone wears the same outfit in all three movies -- it counts
          if they change at the end (I think Han counts, although
          his clothes do change a little.)
     Luke and Lando are in the same place at the same time
          -- Twice if they speak to each other
     Vader runs into one of his kids and doesn't recognize them
          -- Twice if he tries to kill them
     Someone is mind-controlled using the Force
     Luke's parentage is Foreshadowed
     People kiss
     A Rebel pilot is of a race other than white
          -- Twice if they're non human (co-pilots count)
     A good guy wears white or a bad guy wears black
          -- Twice if a bad guy wears white and a good guy wears
               black (for uniforms-- only the first person on
               screen counts)
          -- Three times if someone hovering in between wears gray
     Every time you find yourself talking to the people on screen
     Luke refuses to take someone's advice
     An elaborately made up alien has no lines
     Someone or something tries to get money from Han