In sickbay..."Space...the final frontier..."
McCoy: <mumble> You'd think after all these years in space I'd
rate a raise...Shatner got one for directing the last
movie, and that was a dog...lousy opening music, almost
ran into the bulkhead...
Spock: I see your indulging your usual predilection towards
rampant emotionalism, doctor.
McCoy: Shut up Spock or I'll indulge a "predilection" to use
your butt to measure a size 10 boot.
Spock: I'm glad to see your more cheerful than usual, doctor.
I assume your recent visit to the planet Layme 5 had
something to do with this?
McCoy: Shut up Spock! Now where did I put that penicillin?
<Beep> Mr. Spock and doctor McCoy, please report to the transporter
room immeadiately. Sieg Hiel. That is all! <Bleep>
McCoy: What the hell is it with that new navigator, Lieutenant
Hitler?
Spock: What the hell is "Sieg Hiel"?
McCoy: C'mon Spock, we better see what Captain Jerk...er...Kirk
wants.
In the transporter room...
Kirk: Ah Mr. Spock...glad you could join me.
McCoy: I'm McCoy. He's Spock.
Kirk: Ah yes...of course...I was just testing you!! Very good
Mr. Spock, you get an "A" in observation...
McCoy: Psst...ah Spock, does Kirk seem to be acting a little
weird to you?
Spock: It may have something to do with that meteorite that hit
him on the head on the planet Crotchit 2.
Kirk: Now gentlemen, the reason I called you here is that we
have detected a strange life form out in deep space, and
are attempting to beam it on board.
Spock: Fascinating.
Kirk: The life form?
Spock: Er...no this postcard McCoy sent from Layme 5. Ahem..
what do we know about this life form captain?
Kirk: Hmmm...sensors indicate that its hot, is round and
contains sugar and caffeine additives..
Conway: Your scanning my coffee, Captain.
Kirk: Ah...yes of course!! I was just testing you transporter
chief!! Well done, I'll note that in my report. Where
is my pencil?
Spock: Pencils haven't been used for a hundred years Captain.
But your light pen is in your hand.
McCoy: Ah, correct me if I'm wrong Jimbob, but doesn't beaming
an unknown and potentially deadly life form onto the ship
seem a little stupid to you?
Kirk: Stupid?? STUPID! Have you forgotten our motto??? Space
the final frontier??? These are the voyages of the
Starship Enterprise?? To boldly go where no man has gone
before??? To seek out new life and...<daaah dah dah dah
dah dah daaaaa...>
McCoy: Good lord...time for a station break...please. Where is
that music coming from anyway??
Spock: Apparently from Conways walkman. Here, let me turn it
down...<sizzle> there...
Conway: Mr. Spock that wasn't the walkman that was the
transporter console!!! You burned out all the
circuits!!!!!!!!
Spock: Oops.
<beeeaaaaaaaammmmm>
Beetlejuice: Yeeeeehhhhh! Allrite!! Whoa... look at this
place. Lotsa blinkin lights... Hey what the hell
are those...Pointed ears?? Hey but what the hell
to each his own rite yeh... where are all the green
skinned broads?? Kirk oughta know, know what I
mean???
McCoy: What the...how the hell did that get on board??
The transporters not working!! I got it...Alan
Funts hiding behind a bulkhead somewhere, right...?
<<Whoosh>>
Janice Rand: Captain, I have those requisition forms for five
thousand laser rifles you wanted Captain...
McCoy: Huh? Laser rifles were phased out last year.
Kirk: Ahem...ah obviously a mix-up from Star Fleet
Yeoman, I'll take care of this later... <<grab>>
Spock: Most odd.. a large number of bootleg Star Fleet
laser rifles have been mysteriously appearing
across the Romulan neutral zone over the last
year...
Kirk: Ahem...yeoman its not safe for you to stay
here...an alien life form has infiltrated the
ship...Mr. Conway, prepare to seal off the
transporter room...
McCoy: Seal me off with THAT?? The hell with you guys,
that's not in my contract...
Kirk: Come back here doctor!!!!
McCoy: Take two aspirin and call me in the morning...
<<whoosh>>
BeetleJuice: Ooh la la...What do we have here! C'mere
babe...cmooonn give me a little yeh <grab>!
Whattaya say we beam over to that asteroid over
there and park a while...
Kirk: Let go of my alien life form, yeoman...uh...I mean,
let go of my yeoman, alien life form!! <<whizz>>
Spock: Ah captain, your holding your phasor backwards...
BeetleJuice: Phasor?? Whoa hey whats this <<grab>> weird lookin
thing??? What's this button do...?
<<BBrrzzaapp>>
Kirk: Yaaaaaaahhh...
Spock: Holy shit!
BeetleJuice: Whoa wow strong stuff...you guys play for keeps
don't ya? Any more buttons on this thing???
Spock: Don't point that thing at me!!!
BeetleJuice: Oh yeh sorry 'bout that yeh...tough break about
Kirk, better sweep him up yeh...hmmm lessee
here...any settings for sandworms...hmmm lessee
here...stun...knock out...kill human...kill
lawyer...kill Klingon...destroy starship...destroy
planet...destroy universe...hey yeh that oughta do
it... <whiiiiinnneee>
Spock: DON'T SET IT ON THAT, YOU IDIOT!!!!!!!!
<<whoosh>>
Scotty: I don't have time for a translator Mr. Scott...fix
the transporter and beam this excrement off the
ship and give us warp twenty the hell out of
here...
(Sorry, I meant Spock)
Scotty: Aye Mr. Spock...say whats that pile of ashes on the
floor? Better get this place vacuumed up.
<beeeaaammm>
<whoooooooooossssssssshhhhhhh>
BeetleJuice: Hey what is this? Leave me out in space
willya...you buncha losers!!!! Come back
here!!!!!!!! Hey wait a minute...whats that
noise...oh yeh forgot about this thing...hows this
thing turn off...uh oh
<WHHHHIIIIIINNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE>
BeetleJuice: Oh shit...
<BBLLLAAAAMMMM>