Star Trek V: The Search for Sanity
First off, Kirk had decided to go back to ancient Bedrock to
get his water buffalos, since these were a heartier breed than
those found in 1989. He finds his two and heads Back to the
Future.
Meanwhile, the Royal Order of Water Buffalo, outraged at these
futuristic buffalo thieves, send Fred, Barney, Wilma, Betty,
Pebbles, Bam-Bam, Dino, and Hoppy out into space in a sleeper ship
(they climb into turtlesaurus shells), since they hadn't perfected
time travel yet. The ship is floating passed the Genesis planet
when the Enterprise, in the act of self-destructing, bumps into it
and sends it of course. (Go back and watch Star Trek III.) You'll
notice, as the Enterprise begins its fall towards the planet, a
vague, dinosaur-shaped craft ricocheting off the hull. The
stranded castaways get Lost in Space for about two years, then
crash onto Ceti-Alpha V, where Ceti eels kill Wilma and Betty.
Outraged, our two heroes, Fred and Barney, rebuild their
damaged craft into a Starshipasaurus, and head out into space,
looking for the Starship that caused the death of their wives. In
space, they encounter the new Enterprise, just leaving after
delivering the buffalos to the Kelvins. Unbeknownst to our brave
Captain Kirk, the Kelvins' home planet has just been destroyed
because the damn buffalos didn't know that cosmic secret handshake.
Their leader, determined to chase Kirk round the moons of Antares,
heads off after the Enterprise in their new Death-And-Destruction
Star.
Now, the action begins. The Enterprise fights a serious
battle with the spaceshipasaurus, and eventually wins, although the
battle took its toll on the Enterprise. As the spaceshipasaurus
explodes, we see an escape pod go spiraling off into deep space,
with a crippled Fred at the helm. He has to fashion a set of black
body armor to survive his wounds. Meanwhile, the Death-And-Destruction Star drops out of hyperspace and looms overhead. The
laser cannon starts to glow. All seems bad for the Enterprise
crew, when who should come flying over the bow of the Enterprise,
towards the Death-And-Destruction Star? You guessed it. George
Jetson, in the Centurian Spacely-Fighter. He flies down the Star's
main corridor, and a shot of Spacely Sprocket-Torpedoes turns the
Kelvin's evil machine into cosmic powder.
Ah, but Kirk feels bad that he gave the Kelvin's some bum
buffalos. He's caused the destruction of their planet. But, lo
and behold. It seems that their were two Genesis torpedoes. One
was beamed down to Regula. However, David Marcus was afraid that
at least one would be destroyed. So, using a technique that would
make his father proud, he had closed his eyes, spun the coordinates
dial of the transporter, and randomly beamed the other to a place
unknown. He memorized the coordinates for later retrieval.
Unfortunately, he died before being able to disclose them. Which
is too bad, since he had accidentally discovered the coordinates
for beaming through time. Yup, the torpedo had materialized in the
Bedrock Buffalo Institute, where Pat and Vanna (remember them?)
had found it. Pat, thinking it a brontosaurus burger, ate it.
Thus, when the Kelvin's planet had been destroyed, the torpedo
exploded, causing the planet, the people, and the water buffaloes
to be reborn. By a fluke of the transporter, the proto-matter
problem had been fixed, so all are stable. Even the
spaceshipasaurus is regenerated, with all on board alive. The crew
decide to go off and colonize a planet. George Jetson, who was
actually from the 21st century, but was caught in a freakish
accident that froze his life support systems, and returned him to
Earth 200 years later, takes a liking to Wilma, who reminds him of
his late departed Jane. Wilma, thinking that Fred must be dead,
accepts George's proposal, and all go on to have a gay old time.
Except Dark Fred, who, unknowing of his modern prehistoric family's
new birth, is off in space, plotting revenge against Captain James
T. Kirk.
Coming Soon:
Star Trek VI: The Fury of Fred
directed by Magilla Gorilla
If you liked the movie, you'll love the novelization, penned by
noted SF author Boo-Boo Bear.