Things that Never Happen on Star Trek

1.    A redshirt sneaks down a deserted corridor, turns a corner, and suddenly has a surprise birthday party.
2.    A redshirt manages to avoid the thrown knife, phaser shot, arrow, or whatever.
3.    McCoy says, "On second thought, maybe I'm a carpenter and NOT a doctor after all."
4.    The deflector shields hold through the duration of the battle.
5.    Kirk meets a woman whom he's known for years but never had sex with.
6.    Sulu and Chekov get to do something interesting.
7.    Kirk says, "Uhura, I'm frightened."
8.    Kirk gets Court-martialed for violating the Prime Directive.
9.    A Klingon says to a companion, "Hey, I like you."
10.    Harry Mudd manages to turn a healthy profit selling something legal.
11.    An android race turns out to be completely friendly and not threatening or menacing in any way.
12.    Some patient of McCoy's who's NOT a central character lives.
13.    Riker manages to avoid seeming like a William Shatner clone.
14.    The crew of the original Enterprise disperse, Sulu gets his own ship, and nobody suffers major emotional trauma.
15.    A major character dies and isn't resurrected.
16.    The mysterious a giant threatening object is on a direct course for some world other than Earth.
17.    Somebody says, "You know, the Enterprise-D looks really stupid! What is it, a `Close Encounters' reject???"
18.    Artificial intelligence and android technology make human exploration of the galaxy obsolete.
19.    McCoy says, "He'll live, Jim."