Drunk Trek


     "Woa!" said Kirk as he stepped out of Deanna Troi's quarters and leaned back against the wall outside. Her door slid shut after he had exited but he turned to look back as if he could still see her through the doors. "Woa," he breathed, "It may not have completely lived up to the mission of my Enterprise, but at least it was Boldly Going!" As Kirk caught his breath he looked around. The ship seemed strangely empty. "Hmmmm..." thought Kirk, "Maybe I was a little hard on Captain Picard. He probably looked better as an Orian Slave Girl than I would have anyway. Computer," Jim Kirk addressed, "Where is Jean-Luc Picard?"
     The voice which responded seemed strangely familiar, sort of the way Christopher Pike's First Officer had seemed after he met her again after a few months of the Enterprise, "Captain Picard is not on the Enterprise. He left you a voice mail message."
     "Activate voice mail," ordered Kirk.
     "Hello, this is the voice mail. If you are calling from you own ship please say Pound, otherwise enter your extension or your last name followed by first until recognized."
     "Kirk, James T."
     "Identification Secure. You may listen to your messages..."
     "Let me listen to them!" Kirk cut the machine off.
     "You have one new message. Message one from Jean-Luc Picard, was received at Star Date 242731.3."
     Then Picard's voice came over the speakers, "I'm afraid that we've all been taken away to be assimilated. I don't know when we'll be back. If you get a chance would you mind saying 'Make it so' a few times in my absence? Thanks! Picard out."
     "Assimilated?" breathed Kirk.
     "Then he felt Deanna's hand on his shoulder. "The Borg," she whispered.
     The ship was not completely empty. Down in the bowles of the ship Scotty and Geordi were making up for their spats in that Next Generations episode over a bottle of very fine Scotch. Unfortunately for La Forge, he hadn't realized that this was not synthahol until way too late. At the moment he had his visor over his head as a hair band and Scotty was taking apart the main Warp Flux Control Computer in hopes of finder some sort of gizmo to bridge a circuit gap in the warp coils to perfect an experiment he had long been working on.
     "What are you doing Scotty?" asked Geordi.
     "I'm going to perfect somethin' they've been workin' on for quite a spell, lad, but I canna find the right piece. Oh well."
     Geordi slid the visor back over his eyes and looked over at Scotty standing in a pile of Warp Chips. "Scotty! Do you know what you just did?"
     Mr. Scott pulled his lips off the bottle he was gulping from and said, "No lad what's that?"
     "You went and finished the Scotch!"
     "Aye lad, but donna worry! I've got lots more where that came from!"
     "I wonder," thought Geordi out-loud, "If we adjust the syth switch in the quasi-mode of the iso-link in the replicators and send one one-billionth if we could produce Scotch right out of the replicators!"
     "Why don't you just pull this wire?" asked Scott as he yanked a cable from the wall and another bottle of the stuff materialized in his hand.
     "Mister Scott, you're amazing!"
     Just then a Borg walked into the room and raised a horrible looking arm ending in a deadly claw of spikes and weapons toward the good guys.
     "You," it said pausing for effect, "Will be assimilated!"

To Be Continued...