But what... is it good for?
Gauls! We have nothing to fear; except perhaps that the sky may
fall on our heads tomorrow. But as we all know, tomorrow never
comes!!
The only reason Bill Gates is alive today is that the Unabomber
never used Windows 95.
I want you to take your balls in your hand and bounce them on the
floor and then throw them as high as you can. Now, have you all
got your balls in your hands?
Now the Lord God planted a garden East of Whittier in a place
called Yorba Linda, and out of the ground he made to grow orange
trees that were good for food and the fruits thereof he labeled
SUNKIST...
Signs of crime: screaming or cries for help.
People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they
just like to pee a lot.
Might as well be frank, monsieur. It would take a miracle to get
you out of Casablanca and the Germans have outlawed miracles.
Of all the radio stations in Chicago... we're one of them.
At the Lincoln Park traps on Sunday... over 80 shooters took part
Have you ever tried to tickle yourself? Everybody has some wacko
aunt or uncle that can just point at you and have you rolling with
laughter. But if you shove your fist in your underarm for a week
and a half you won't laugh. Somehow your underarm just knows that
it's your fist. Thank God other parts of our bodies are dumber.
The exports include thumbscrews and cattle prods, just routine
You start coding. I'll go find out what they want.
On Criticism: "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to
death by a jackass--and 'm just the one to do it."
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
This compact disc is made from analog masters recorded without
noise reduction. Half the tracks, in fact, were recorded in a
dismal, cheap basement eight-track studio with puddles of water on
the floor. Digital Technology will now faithfully reproduce these
noisy, low-fi, un-professional masters at great expense. Feel
stupd yet?
If they don't want us to drink and drive, why do you have to have
a driver's license to buy beer?
Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil?
You're crazy...
The supervisor and compositor shall be flogged thirty times for an
error per chapter; the printer shall be flogged thrity times for
bad impression, either too dark or too light, of one character per
chapter.
I am sick unto death of obscure English towns that exist seemingly
for the sole accommodation of these so-called limerick writers --
and even sicker of their residents, all of whom suffer from
physical deformities and spend their time dismembering relatives at
fancy dress balls.
In the land of the dark, the Ship of the Sun is driven by the
Grateful Dead.
There is no realizable power that man cannot, in time, fashion the
tools to attain, nor any power so secure that the naked ape will
not abuse it. So it is written in the genetic cards -- only
physics and war hold him in check. And also the wife who wants him
home by five, of course.
I am not sure what this is, but an "F" would only dignify it.
I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because
someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the
top.
A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research
Now that I have taken the Dallas Cowboys bumper sticker off my car,
it's passing and running better...
I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous
and give the wrong answers.
New York's got the ways and means; Just won't let you be.
A programmer is a person who passes as an exacting expert on the
basis of being able to turn out, after innumerable punching, an
infinite series of incomprehensive answers calculated with
micrometric precisions from vague assumptions based on debatable
figures taken from inconclusive documents and carried out on
instruments of problematical accuracy by persons of dubious
reliability and questionable mentality for the avowed purpose of
annoying and confounding a hopelessly defenseless department that
was unfortunate enough to ask for the information in the first
place.
On Government Ability to Communicate After Death: "Beginning in
February 1976 your assistance benefits will be discontinued...
Reason: It has been reported to our office that you expired
Call on God, but row away from the rocks.
You want to have consistent and uniform muscle development across
On the Little-known Importance of Poultry Inspectors: "The crime
bill passed by the Senate would reinstate the Federal death penalty
for certain violent crimes: Assassinating the President;
hijackiing an airliner; and murdering a government poultry
inspector."
It's Fabulous! We haven't seen anything like it in the last half
an hour!
The New Testament offers the basis for modern computer coding
theory, in the form of an affirmation of the binary number system.
Take your dying with some seriousness, however. Laughing on the
way to your execution is not generally understood by less-advanced
life-forms, and they'll call you crazy.
There are three possible parts to a date, of which at least two
must be offered: entertainment, food, and affection. It is
customary to begin a series of dates with a great deal of
entertainment, a moderate amount of food, and the merest suggestion
of affection. As the amount of affection increases, the
entertainment can be reduced proportionately. When the affection
IS the entertainment, we no longer call it dating. Under no
circumstances can the food be omitted.
The government is not doing enough about cleaning up the
environment. This is a good planet.
A recent inquiry finds that the New Kids on the Block earn $550,000
for every concert they do. I guess that means they've got money to
burn.
Go placidly amid the noise and waste, and remember what value there
may be in owning a piece thereof.
Professor Goddard does not know the relation between action and
Russian tanks steamrolling through New Jersey! Details at eleven!
Don't worry about temptation--as you grow older, it starts avoiding
you.
I don't understand these white men... They drag us over here from
Africa, they enslave us, and then they go to the beach and try to
look like us... It's got me baffled!!!
It's is not, it isn't ain't, and it's it's, not its, if you mean it
Good afternoon, this is your captain speaking. I would like to
remind you that according to FAA regulations, this flight has been
declared a non-smoking flight. If you absolutely must light up,
you are invited to step outside.
It is always preferable to visit home with a friend. Your
parents will not be pleased with this plan, because they want you
all to themselves and because in the presence of your friend, they
will have to act like mature human beings...
Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons.
They're multipurpose. Not only do they put the clips on, but they
take them off.
I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked
...Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, if you'd stuck with pussy, you'd
still be with us...
A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you
least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's
left of your unit.
The hypothalamus is one of the most important parts of the brain,
involved in many kinds of motivation, among other functions. The
hypothalamus controls the "Four F's":
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who
We pray for MacArthur's erection.
G: If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?
Making files is easy under the UNIX operating system. Therefore,
users tend to create numerous files using large amounts of file
space. It has been said that the only standard thing about all
UNIX systems is the message-of-the-day telling users to clean up
their files.
Benson, you are so free of the ravages of intelligence
As part of the conversion, computer specialists rewrote 1,500
programs -- a process that traditionally requires some debugging.
When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with
erasers.
President Thieu says he'll quit if he doesn't get more than 50% of
the vote. In a democracy, that's not called quitting.
New Year's Eve is the time of year when a man most feels his age,
and his wife most often reminds him to act it.
This telephone has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered
as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value
to us.
We ARE as gods and might as well get good at it.
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn
If God lived on Earth, people would knock out all His windows.
When I first encountered C, things were simple. A number was a
number, and a pointer was a pointer. When I had studied it a
while, it became much more complex, with many rules to memorize.
A number was a no longer a number, a pointer was no longer just a
pointer. Now that I understand C, it is simple again. A number is
a number. A pointer is a pointer.
in the program. Rotarians, be patriotic! Learn to shoot
yourself."
items for the police.
reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy
cookies like you make.
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
on January 1, 1976."
all of your muscles? It can't be done. It's just a fact of life.
You just have to accept inconsistent muscle development as an
unalterable condition of weight training.
But let your communication be Yea, yea; nay, nay: for
whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil.
reaction and the need to have something better than a vacuum
against which to react. He seems to lack the basic knowledge
ladled out daily in high schools.
is. If you don't, it's its. Then too, it's hers. It isn't her's.
It isn't our's either. It's ours, and likewise yours and theirs.
with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is
a fad that won't last out the year.
1. Fighting,
2. Fleeing,
3. Feeding, and
4. Mating.
would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
EB: Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air
and scatter oneself over a wide area.
At Group L, Stoffel oversees six first-rate programmers, a
managerial challenge roughly comparable to herding cats.
better than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible.