Dorothy Parker

Quotes

     That woman speaks eight languages and can't say, "No," in any of them.

     This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

Poems

A Certain Lady
Oh, I can smile for you and tilt my head,
And drink your rushing words with eager lips.
And paint my mouth for you a fragrant red,
And trace your brows with tutored finger-tips.
When you rehearse your list of loves to me,
Oh, I can laugh and marvel, rapturous-eyed.
And you laugh back, nor can you ever see
The thousand little deaths my heart has died.
And you believe, so well I know my part,
That I am gay as morning, light as snow,
And all the straining things within my heart
You'll never know.
Oh, I can laugh and listen, when we meet,
And you bring tales of fresh adventurings-
Of ladies delicately indiscreet,
Of lingering hands, and gently whispered things.
And you are pleased with me, and strive anew
To sing me sagas of your late delights.
Thus do you want me-marveling, gay, and true-
Nor do you see my staring eyes of nights.
And when, in search of novelty, you stray,
Oh, I can kiss you blithely as you go...
And what goes on, my love, while you're away,
You'll never know.

A Very Short Song
Once, when I was young and true,
    Someone left me sad -
Broke my brittle heart in two;
    And that is very bad.

Love is for unlucky folk,
    Love is but a curse.
Once there was a heart I broke;
    And that, I think, is worse.

Cherry White
I never see the prettiest thing -
A cherry bough gone white with Spring -
But what I think, "How gay 'twould be
To hang me from a flowering tree."

Comment
Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
    A medley of extemporanea;
And love is thing that can never go wrong;
    And I am Marie of Roumania.

Distance
Were to cross the world, my dear,
    To work, or love, or fight,
I could be calm and wistful here,
    And close my eyes at night.
It were a sweet and gallant pain
    To be a sea apart;
But, oh, to have you down the lane
    Is bitter to my heart.

Fighting Words
Say my love is easy had,
    Say I'm bitten raw with pride,
Say I am too often sad --
    Still behold me at your side.

Say I'm neither brave nor young,
    Say I woo and coddle care,
    Say the devil touched my tongue --
Still you have my heart to wear.

But say my verses do not scan,
    And I get me another man!

Frustration
If I had a shiny gun,
I could have a world of fun
Speeding bullets through the brains
Of the folk who give me pains;

Or had I some poison gas,
I could make the moments pass
Bumping off a number of
People whom I do not love.

But I have no lethal weapon -
Thus does fate our pleasure step on!
So they still are quick and well
Who should be, by rights in hell.

General Review of the Sex Situation
Woman wants monogamy;
Man delights in novelty.
Love is a woman's moon and sun;
Man has other forms of fun.
Woman lives but in her lord;
Count to ten, and a man is bored.
With this the gist and sum of it,
What earthly good can come of it?

Healed
Oh, when I flung my heart away,
    The year was at its fall.
I saw my dear, the other day,
    Beside a flowering wall;
And this was all I had to say:
    "I thought that he was tall!"

Indian Summer
In youth, it was a way I had
To do my best to please,
And change, with every passing lad,
To suit his theories.
But now I know the things I know,
And I do the things I do;
And if you do not like me so,
To hell, my love, with you!

Interview
The ladies men admire, I've heard,
Would shudder at a wicked word.
Their candle gives a single light,
They'd rather stay home at night.
They do not keep awake till 3,
Nor read erotic poetry.
They never sanction the impure,
Nor recognize and overture.
They shrink from powder and from paints...
Ao far, I've had no complaints.

Inventory
Four be the things I am wiser to know:
Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe.
Four be the things I'd been better without:
Love, curiousity, freckles, and doubt.
Three be the things I shall never attain:
Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.
Three be the things I shall have till I die:
Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye.

Men
They hail you as their morning star
Because you are the way you are.
If you return the sentiment,
They'll try to make you different;
And once they have you, safe and sound,
They want to change you all around.
Your moods and ways they put a curse on;
They'd make of you another person.
They cannot let you go your gait;
They influence and educate.
They'd alter all that they admired.
They make me sick, they make me tired.

Observation
If I don't drive around the park,
    I'm pretty sure to make my mark.
If I'm in bed each night by ten,
    I may get back my looks again.
If I abstain from fun and such,
    I'll probably amount to much;
But I shall stay the way I am,
    Because I do not give a damn.

Reuben's Children
Accursed from their birth they be
Who seek to find monogamy,
Persuing it from bed to bed -
I think they would be better dead.

Theory
Into love and out again,
    Thus I went and thus I go.
Spare your voice, and hold your pen:
    Well and bitterly I know
All the songs were ever sung,
    All the words were ever said;
Could it be, when I was young,
    Someone dropped me on my head?

There was One
There was one a-riding grand
    On a tall brown mare,
And a fine gold band
    He brought me there.

A little, gold band
    He held to me
That would shine on a hand
    For the world to see.

There was one a-walking swift
    To a little, new song,
And a rose was the gift
    He carried along,

First of all the posies,
    Dewy and red.
They that have roses
    Never need bread.

There was one with a swagger
    And a soft slow tounge,
And a bright, cold dagger
    Where his left hand swung -

Carven and gilt,
    Old and bad -
And his stroking of the hilt
    Set a girl mad.

There was one a-riding grand
    As he rode from me.
And he raised his goldn band
    And he threw it in the sea.

There was one a-walking slow
    To a sad, long sigh.
And his rose drooped low,
    And he flung it down to die.

There was one with a swagger
    And a little, sharp pride,
And a bright cold dagger
    Ever at his side.

At his side it stayed
    When he ran to part.
What is this blade
    Struck through my heart?

Thought for a Sunshiny Morning
It costs me never a stab nor squirm
To tread by chance upon a worm.
"Aha, my little dear," I say,
"Your clan will pay me back one day."

Ultimatum
I'm wearied of wearying love, my friend,
    Of worry and strain and doubt;
Before we begin, let us view the end,
    And maybe we'll do without.
There's never the pang that was worth the tear,
    And toss in the night I won't -
So either you do or you don't, my dear,
    Either you do or you don't!

The table is ready, so lay your cards
    And if they should augur pain,
I'll tender you ever my kind regards
    And run for the fastest train.
I haven't the will to be spent and sad;
    My heart's to be gay and true -
Then either you don't or you do, my lad,
    Either you don't or you do.

Unfortunate Coincidence
By the time you swear you're his,
    Shivering and sighing,
And he vows his passion is
    Infinite, undying -
Lady make a note of this:
    One of you is lying.

Untitled
Here in my heart, I am Helen;
    I'm Aspasia and Hero, at least.
I'm Judith, and Jael, and Madame de Stael;
    I'm Salome, moon of the East.

Here in my soul I am Sappho;
    Lady Hamilton am I, as well.
In me R'ecamier vies with Kitty O'Shea,
    With Dido, and Eve, and poor nell.

I'm all of the glamorous ladies
    At whose beckoning history shook.
But you are a man, and see only my pan,
    So I stay at home with a book.

Untitled
My love, he's mad, and my love, he's fleet,
    And a wild young wood-thing bore him!
The ways are fair to his roaming feet,
    And the skiesa are sunlit for him.
As sharply sweet to my heart he seems
    As the fragrance of acacia.
My own dear love, he is all my dreams --
    And I wish he were in Asia.

Untitled
My own dear love, he is strong and bold
    And he cares not what comes after.
His words ring sweet as a chime of gold,
    And his eyes are lit with laughter.
He is jubilant as a flag unfurled --
    Oh, a girl, she'd not forget him.
My own dear love, he is all my world --
    And I wish I'd never met him.

Untitled
Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.

Untitled
The ladies men admire, I've heard,
Would shudder at a wicked word.
Their candle gives a single light;
They'd rather stay at home at night.
They do not keep awake till three,
Nor read erotic poetry.
They never sanction the impure,
Nor recognize an overture.
They shrink from powders and from paints...
So far, I've had no complaints.

Untitled
There's little in taking or giving,
    There's little in water or wine:
This living, this living, this living,
    Was never a project of mine.
Oh, hard is the struggle, and sparse is
    The gain of the one at the top,
For art is a form of catharsis,
    And love is a permanent flop,
And work is the province of cattle,
    And rest's for a clam in a shell,
So I'm thinking of throwing the battle --
    Would you kindly direct me to hell?

Untitled
Underlying Principle of Socio-Genetics:
    Superiority is recessive.
My love runs by like a day in June,
    And he makes no friends of sorrows.
He'll tread his galloping rigadoon
    In the pathway or the morrows.
He'll live his days where the sunbeams start
    Nor could storm or wind uproot him.
My own dear love, he is all my heart --
    And I wish somebody'd shoot him.