Questions and Answers
1. What do you get when you cross a snake and a hedgehog?
Barbed wire, of course.
2. Why does a gorilla have big nostrals?
Because he has big fingers.
3. What's the difference between banks and S&Ls?
Two years.
4. What's the difference between "anxiety" and "panic?"
"Anxiety" is when, for the first time, you can't do it the
second time; "panic" is when, for the second time, you can't
do it the first time.
5. Why are deer nuts cheaper than beer nuts?
Beer nuts are about $1.39, but deer nuts are under a buck...
6. Where does virgin wool come from?
Ugly sheep.
7. What do you call a dog with no legs?
Nothing... He won't come anyway.
8. Whats worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm?
Finding half a worm!
9. Why won't a rattlesnake bite a salesman?
Professional courtesy...
10. How are a toilet seat and a waitress different?
A waitress has to wait on more than one asshole at a time.
11. Have you heard about the new Oriental cookbook?
A 101 ways to wok your dog.
12. How do you keep a moron in suspense?
13. Why did the tachyon cross the road?
Because it was on the other side.
14. What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pit bull.
15. Do you know what the death rate around here is?
One per person.
16. What's the definition of a true gentleman?
A man who knows how to play the accordian, but doesn't.
17. What's the difference between a bull and a dance band?
On a bull, the horns are in the front and the ass is in the
back.
18. What do you get when you toss a hand grenade into a kitchen in
France?
Linoleum blownapart.
19. Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that
collided?
Both crews were marooned.
20. Why did the maharishi refuse novocaine when he had his tooth
pulled?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.
21. What did Mike Tyson say to Vincent van Gogh?
"You gonna eat that?"
22. If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on
the outside?
K9P.
23. Did ya hear about the Siamese Twins who went to London?
They went so the one on the right could drive.