Medical Jokes Questions & Answers


1.    Lawyer: Did you say the plaintiff was shot in the woods?
    Doctor: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.
2.    What is the proper medical term for the Circumcision of a rabbit?
    A Hare Cut.
3.    "Captain, how soon can we land?"
    "I can't tell."
    "You can tell me; I'm a doctor."
4.    Patient:    Doctor, there's a tulip growing from my ears.
    Doctor:    That's the strangest thing I have ever heard.
    Patient:    Yes indeed, I've been planting radishes!
5.    "The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks."
    "And did he?"
    "Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill."
6.    Did you hear about the old guru who wouldn't allow the dentist to use any anesthetic on him?
    He wanted to transcend dental medication.
7.    Doctor:    Does it hurt when you do this?
    Patient:    Yes.
    Doctor:    Well, don't do that.
8.    Doctor:    Have you ever had this before?
    Patient:    Yes.
    Doctor:    Well, you've got it again.
9.    Doctor:    We need to get these people to a hospital!
    Nurse:    What is it?
    Doctor:    It's a big building with a lot of doctors, but that's not important now!
10.    Patient:    Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.
    Doctor:    Tell me about your problem.
    Patient:    I JUST DID, DIDN'T I, YOU STUPID BASTARD!!!
11.    Patient to eye-doctor:    I'm very worried about the outcome of this operation, doctor. What are the chances?
    Eye-doctor to patient:    Don't worry you won't be able to see the difference.
12.    Doctor:    I have some bad news and some very bad news.
    Patient:    Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
    Doctor:    The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
    Patient:    24 HOURS! Thats terrible! WHAT could be WORSE? What's the very bad news?
    Doctor:    I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.
13.    Doctor:    I have some good news and I have some bad news, which shall I tell first?
    Patient:    Do begin with the bad news, please.
    Doctor:    All Right. Your son has drowned, your daughter has been raped, your wife has divorced you, your house got blown away, and you have AIDS."
    Patient:    Good grief! What's the good news?
    Doctor:    The good news is that there is no more bad news.