Elephant Jokes

1. How many elephants can you fit in a Volkswagen?
   5 - two in the front, two in the back and one in the glove compartment.
2. What do Elephants use as Tampons?
   Sheep
3. What do you call the black things stuck between an elephants toes?
   Pygmies, or Slow Natives
4. What's grey on the inside and pink and white on the outside?
   An inside out elephant.
5. What is grey and not there.
   No elephants.
6. Why are elephants large, grey and wrinkled?
   Because if they were small, white and smooth they'd be aspirins.
7. Why are elephants wrinkled?
   Have you ever tried to iron one?
8. Why do elephants wear small green hats?
   So they can sneak across pool tables unobserved.
9. How many legs does an elephant have?
   Four, two in the front, two in the back.
10. How do you know Tarzan is in the fridge?
    You can hear Tarzan scream: "OYOYOYOIYOIYOOOOOO!!!"
11. How do you get two Tarzans in the fridge?
    You can't, silly, there is only one Tarzan!
12. Why are there so many elephants running around free in the jungle?
    Tarzans fridge is not large enough to hold them all.
13. How many elephants can you actually put in a fridge?
    Depends on the number of elephants.
14. What do you call two elephants on a bicycle?
    Optimistic!
15. What do you get if you take an elephant into the city?
    Free Parking.
16. What do you get if you take an elephant into work?
    Sole use of the elevator.
17. How do you get an elephant out of a tree?
    Stand it on a leaf and wait 'till autumn.
18. What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
    Bloody big holes all over Australia.
19. How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
    Your nose is touching the ceiling.
20. Why do elephants wear sandals?
    So that they don't sink in the sand.
21. Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground?
    To look for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandals.
    
22. What did Hannibal say when he saw 1,000 elephants coming over the hill?
    "Look, there's 1,000 elephants coming over the hill."
    What did he say when he saw 1,000 elephants with sunglasses on, coming over the hill?
    Nothing, he didn't recognize them.
23. Why shouldn't you go into the woods at 5 o'clock?
    Because that is when the elephants do their parachute jumping.
24. What is a furry alligator?
    A bear that went into the woods at 5 o'clock.
25. Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?
    So that they can hide upside-down in bowls of custard.
    Did you ever find an elephant in your custard?
    No? Well, it must work then.
26. What does an elephant use for a vibrator?
    An epileptic pygmy...
    
27. Where is an elephant's sex organ?
    In his feet. If he steps on you, you're fucked.
28. Why do ducks have flat feet?
    To stamp out forest fires.
    Why do elephants have flat feet?
    To stamp out flaming ducks.
29. What's gray and comes in quarts?
    An elephant.
30. Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?
    To hid in a cherry tree.
31. Why was the elephant standing on marshmellows?
    He didn't want to fall into the hot chocolate.
32. How do you know an elephant has been in your house?
    There are really big pajamas in your closet.
33. How do you know an elephant has been in your refridgerator?
    There are footprints in the jello.