2. How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?
We've formed a task force to study the problem of why light
bulbs burn out, and figure out what, exactly, we as
supervisors can do to make the bulbs work smarter, not harder.
3. How many MIS guys does it take to change a light bulb?
MIS has received your request concerning your hardware
problem, and has assigned your request Service Number 39712.
Please use this number for any future reference to this light
bulb issue. As soon as a technician becomes available, you
will be contacted.
4. How many support technicians does it take to change a light
bulb?
We have an exact copy of the light bulb here, and it seems to
be working fine. Can you tell me what kind of system you
have?
Ok. Now, exactly how dark is it? Ok, there could be four or
five things wrong... have you tried the light switch?
5. How many Microsoft technicians does it take to change a light
bulb?
Three: Two holding the ladder and one to screw the bulb into
a socket.
6. How many Microsoft vice presidents does it take to change a
light bulb?
Eight: One to work the bulb and seven to make sure Microsoft
gets $2 for every light bulb ever changed anywhere in the
world.
7. How many testers does it take to change a light bulb?
a. We just noticed the room was dark; we don't actually fix
the problems.
b. We just find the problem. We don't fix them.
8. How many developers does it take to change a light bulb?
The light bulb works fine on the system in my office...
9. How many C++ programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
You're still thinking procedurally. A properly designed light
bulb object would inherit a change method from a generic light
bulb class, so all you'd have to do is send a light bulb
change message.
10. How many shipping department personnel does it take to change
a light bulb?
We can change the bulb in 7-10 working days; if you call
before 2 pm and pay an extra $15 we can get the bulb changed
overnight.
11. How long does it take a DEC repairman to change a light bulb?
It depends on how many burnt-out lightbulbs he brought with
him.
12. How many Windows users does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, but she/he'll swear up and down that it was JUST as easy
for him as it would be for a Macintosh user.
13. How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light
bulb?
None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness* as the new
industry standard.
14. How many hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Zero. Nobody knew they were there.
15. How many system administrators does it take to change a light
bulb?
None, just remove the rights of everybody allowed to go into
the room.
16. How many users does it take to change a light bulb?
All of them, to whine at the sysadmin in unison.
17. How many lines of sed code does it take to change a lightbulb?
I don't know... but its only 74 in Postscript.
18. How many IBM types does it take to change a light bulb?
100. Ten to do it, and 90 to write document number
GC7500439-0001, Multi-tasking Incandescent Source System
Facility, of which 10% of the pages state only "This page
intentionally left blank", and 20% of the definitions are of
the form "A... consists of sequences of non-blank characters
separated by blanks".
19. How many tech support folks does it take to change a light
bulb?
We have an exact copy of the light bulb here, and it seems to
be working fine. Can you tell me what kind of system you
have? Okay. Now, exactly how dark is it? Okay, there could
be four or five things wrong... have you tried the light
switch.
20a. How many hardware engineers does it take to change a
lightbulb?
None; "We'll fix it in software."
20b. How many software engineers does it take to change a
lightbulb?
None; "We'll document it in the manual."
20c. How many tech writers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None; "The user can work it out."
21a. How many software engineers does it take to change a light
bulb?
That's a hardware problem.
21b. How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light
bulb?
Tell software to code around it.
22. How many contract programmers does it take to change a light
bulb?
Two. One always quits in the middle of the project.
23. How many Help Desk people does it take to change a light bulb?
PC Repair has received your mail concerning your hardware
problem and has assigned your request Service Order Number
39712. Please use this number for any future reference to
this case of trouble. As soon as a technician becomes
available, you will be contacted.
24. How many help desk techs does it take to change a light bulb?
I think that's a device driver problem.