Chicken Jokes

Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
Roseanne Barr: Urrrrrp. What chicken?
The Bible: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the Chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.
George Bush: To face a kinder, gentler thousand points of headlights.
Bill the Cat: Oop Ack.
Buddah: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.
Julius Caesar: To come, to see, to conquer.
Candide: To cultivate its garden.
Joseph Conrad: Mistah Chicken, he dead.
Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.
Salvador Dali: The Fish.
Darwin: 1It was the logical next step after coming down from the
trees. 2Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads.
Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
Thomas Dequincy: Because it ran out of opium.
Rènè Descartes: It had sufficient reason to believe it was dreaming anyway.
Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.
Albert Einstien: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
TS Eliot: Weialala leia / Wallala leialala.
TS Eliot, revisited: Do I dare to cross the road?
Ralph Waldo Emerson: The chicken did not cross the road - it transcended it.
Epicurus: For fun.
Louis Farrakhan: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.
Basil Fawlty: Oh don't mind that chicken, it's from Barcelona.
Gerald R. Ford: It probably fell from an airplane and couldn't stop its forward momentum.
Sigmund Freud: 1The chicken obviously was female and obviously interpreted the pole on which the crosswalk sign was mounted as a phallic symbol of which she was envious, selbstverstaendlich. 2The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
Robert Frost: To cross the road less traveled by.
Zsa Zsa Gabor: It probably crossed to get a better look at my legs, which thank goodness are good, dahling.
Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but it will lay eggs, file your important documents AND balance your checkbook. Unfortunately, when it divides 3 by 2 it gets 1.4999999999.
Gilligan: The traffic started getting rough; the chicken had to cross. If not for the plumage of its peerless tail the chicken would be lost. The chicken would be lost!
Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chikcen had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
Adolf Hitler: It needed Lebensraum.
David Hume: Out of custom and habit.
Saddam Hussein: 1This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. 2It is the Mother of all Chickens.
Lee Iacocca: It found a better car, which was on the other side of the road.
John Paul Jones: It has not yet begun to cross!
Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
James Tiberius Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
Stan Laurel: I'm sorry, Ollie. It escaped when I opened the run.
Leda: Are you sure it wasn't Zeus dressed up as a chicken? He's into that kind of thing, you know.
Machiavelli: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
Groucho Marx: Chicken? What's all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs.
Karl Marx: To escape the bourgeois middle-class struggle.
Gregory Mendel: To get various strains of roads.
John Milton: To justify the ways of God to men.
Moses: 1Know ye that it is unclean to eat the chicken that has crossed the road, and that the chicken that crosseth the road doth so for its own preservation. 2And God came down from the heavens, and he said unto the Chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the Chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?
Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it [censored] wanted to. That's the [censored] reason.
Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road.
Thomas Paine: Out of common sense.
Michael Palin: Nobody expects the banished inky chicken!
The Pope: That is only for God to know.
Colonal Harlan Sanders: I missed one?
Mr. Scott: 'Cos ma wee transporter beam was na functioning proprely. Ah canna work miracles, captain!
Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?"
Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!
William Shakespeare: I don't know why, but methinks I could rattle off a hundred-line soliloquy without much ado.
O. J. Simpson: It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.
Sisyphus: Was it pushing a rock, too?
Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?
Socrates: To pick up some hemlock at the corner druggist.
The Sphinx: You tell me.
Joseph Stalin: I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelet.
Oliver Stone: The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road?" But is rather "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
Brad Templeton: Do you think I have time to answer questions like that? I'm NOT a riddle-answering service. Anyway I've heard it before.
Margaret Thatcher: There was no alternative.
Dylan Thomas: To not go (sic) gentle into that good night.
Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.
Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
Gottfried Von Leibniz: In this best possible world, the road was made for it to cross.
George Washington: Actually it crossed the Delaware with me back in 1776. But most history books don't reveal that I bunked with a birdie during the duration.
Mae West: I invited it to come up and see me sometime.
Walt Whitman: To cluck the song of itself.
William Wordsworth: To have something to recollect in tranquility.
Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.