California Driving Test


The following are a sampling of real answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's driving school (read Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.)

1.    Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
    What for? He can't see my license plate.

2.    Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
    The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."

3.    When driving through fog, what should you use?
    Your car.

4.    What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
     I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.

5.    What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
     I would be forced to drive unlawfully.

6.     What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?     Make eye contact and wave "hello" if he/she is cute.

7.    What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
    The color.

8.    How do you deal with heavy traffic?
    Heavy psychedelics.

9.    What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
    Carry loaded weapons.

10.    What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car?
    Always wear a condom.

11.    How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?
    Be too shit faced to find your keys.

12.    Why would it be difficult to be a police officer?
    It would be tough to be a dickhead all day long.