Air Force Pilot's Squawks


     Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.
[Note: "squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews.]

Squawk:    Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Reply:    Almost replaced left inside main tire.

Squawk:    Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
Reply:    Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

Squawk #1:    #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid.
Reply #1:        #2 Propeller seepage normal.
Squawk #2:    #1, #3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage.

Squawk:        The autopilot doesn't.
Signed off:    IT DOES NOW.

Squawk:    Something loose in cockpit.
Reply:    Something tightened in cockpit.

Squawk:    Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear.
Reply:    Evidence removed.

Squawk:    Number three engine missing.
Reply:    Engine found on right wing after brief search.

Squawk:    DME volume unbelievably loud.
Reply:    Volume set to more believable level.

Squawk:    Dead bugs on windshield.
Reply:    Live bugs on order.

Squawk:    Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.
Reply:    Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Squawk:    IFF inoperative.
Reply:    IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

Squawk:    Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Reply:    That's what they're there for.