"O. J. and Ito" by Dr. Seuss


     After months of silence, O. J. Simpson finally spoke at the trial. His words to Judge Ito were, "I did not, could not and would not have committed this crime."
     Seems with a little help from Dr. Suess and a bit more time, he and Judge Ito could have extended this statement:

Judge Ito:    Did you do this awful crime?
            Did you do it anytime?

O. J.:    I did not do this awful crime.
        I could not, would not, anytime.

Judge Ito:    Did you take this person's life?
            Did you do it with a knife?

O. J.:    I did not do it with a knife.
        I did not, could not, kill my wife.
        I did not do this awful crime.
        I could not, would not, anytime.

Judge Ito:    Did you leave a pool of blood?
            Did you drop this bloody glove?

O. J.:    I did not leave a pool of blood.
        I could not even wear that glove.
        I did not do it with a knife.
        I did not, could not, kill my wife.
        I did not do this awful crime.
        I could not, would not, anytime.

Judge Ito:    Did you stab her friend?
            Is that when you cut your hand?

O. J.:    I did not, could not stab her friend.
        Not sixteen times, then once again.
        That is not when I cut my hand
        And left those footprints all around
        And got that blood all on my socks
        And on my hat, and in my truck.

Judge Ito:    Did you leave your dying spouse?
            Did you sneak into your house?

O. J.:    I did not sneak into my house.
        I did not kill my former spouse!
        I did not leave and knock her off.
        Believe me, I was playing golf!
        And sleeping in, and showering up!
        And getting cuts from broken cups!
        I did not, could not stab her friend.
        Not sixteen times, then once again.
        That is not when I cut my hand
        And left those footprints all around.
        And got that blood all on my socks
        And on my hat, and in my truck.
        I did not leave a pool of blood.
        I could not even wear that glove.
        I did not do it with a knife.
        I would not, did not kill my wife.
        I did not do this awful crime.
        I could not, would not, anytime.

Judge Ito:    What about the dna?
            How can it not be yours, O. J.?

O. J.:    That DNA? In all those spots?
        Trust me Judge, I bleed a lot!
        Or either it was planted there
        With my cap and with my hair
        And with my glove and with my prints.
        Believe me, Judge, I'm innocent!
        I did not sneak into my house.
        I did not kill my former spouse!
        I did not leave and knock her off.
        Believe me, I was playing golf!
        I did not, could not stab her friend.
        Not sixteen times, then once again.
        That is not when I cut my hand
        And left those footprints all around.
        And got that blood all on my socks
        And on my hat, and in my truck.
        I did not leave a pool of blood.
        I could not even wear that glove.
        I did not do it with a knife.
        I would not, would not, kill my wife.
        I did not do this awful crime.
        I could not, would not, anytime.

Judge Ito:    You say you didn't kill your wife
            And Ronald Goldman with a knife.
            Will you give an interview?
            On NBC, or Pay-Per-View?
            Will you agree to no-holds-barred?
            Give your friend Tom complete carte blanche?

O. J.:    I'd like to give an interview
        On NBC, not pay-per-view!
        I'd like to answer anything!
        I would, I would, believe you me!
        I'd like to march for civil rights!
        And battered women day and night!
        And find out who made my wife bleed
        (Strange there's not a single lead)!
        And raise my kids to turn out good.
        And beautify my neighborhood.
        But Johnny says I best lay low
        And take it long, and take it slow.
        And wait for time to heal the hurts.
        (Then maybe I will hear from Hertz!)