You Might be a Redneck if ...


1.    After making love you ask your date to roll down the window.
2.    Fewer than half of your cars run.
3.    Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people".
4.    More than one living relative is named after a southern civil war general.
5.    Redman sends you a Christmas card.
6.    Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
7.    Someone in your family says "Cum'n heer an' lookit this afore I flush it."
8.    The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.
9.    The biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.
10.    The diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute".
11.    The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road".
12.    The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are "Howdy!" "HEY!" or "How Y'all Doin?" (If they respond with the same... they're rednecks too!)
13.    The fountain at your wedding spewed beer instead of champagne.
14.    The most commonly heard phrase at your family reunion is, "What the hell are you lookin' at, Shithead?"
15.    The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
16.    The primary color of your car is "bondo".
17.    The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.
18.    There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.
19.    There's graffiti on the bathroom wall in your own house.
20.    You bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.
21.    You call your boss "Buddy", on a regular basis.
22.    You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.
23.    You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
24.    You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.
25.    You go to a Tupperware party for a haircut.
26.    You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
27.    You have a Hefty Bag for a passenger-side window
28.    You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).
29.    You have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occassions.
30.    You have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.
31.    You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.
32.    You have grease under your toenails.
33.    You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.
34.    You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
35.    You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.
36.    You have spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.
37.    You have started a petition to change the National Anthem to "Georgia on My Mind".
38.    You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.
39    You have to scratch your sisters name out of the message: "For a good time call..." because you feel guilty about putting it there...
40.    You honestly think that women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.
41.    You know who is actually leading the Winston Cup series.
42.    You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet "Ms. Right."
43.    You mow your lawn and find a car.
44.    You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.
45.    You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
46.    You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.
47.    You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.
48.    You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.
49.    You think a manicure is some kind of French doctor.
50.    You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
51.    You think that Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.
52.    You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.
53.    You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
54.    You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouerve.
55.    You think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
56.    You time your belches to achieve a personal best.
57.    You use the term "o'er yonder" more than once a month.
58.    You won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.
59.    You've been too drunk to fish.
60.    You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
61.    You've ever financed a tattoo.
62.    You've ever had to turn your pickup truck around because of bridge clearance restrictions.
63.    You've ever hollered, "Rock the house, Bubba!" during a piano recital.
64.    You've ever used a weedeater indoors.
65.    You've ever used lard in bed.
66.    You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
67.    Your best 'coon hound gets a birthday present and your wife doesn't.
68.    Your brother-in-law is your uncle.
69.    Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.
70.    Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.
71.    Your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
72.    Your family tree doesn't fork.
73.    Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.
74.    Your favorite beer company cannot afford to advertise.
75.    Your favorite christmas present was a painting on black velvet.
76.    Your favorite restaurant has the word "eats" anywhere in the name.
77.    Your idea of a romantic evening is sharing the same spit cup with your girlfriend at a tractor pull.
78.    Your front porch collapses and more than six dogs are killed.
79.    Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
80.    Your home has more miles on it than your car.
81.    Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
82.    Your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.
83.    Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
84.    Your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mudflaps.
85.    Your kids' favorite bedtime story is "Curious George and the High Voltage Fence."
86.    Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
87.    Your mama saves aluminum foil.
88.    Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass.
89.    Your mother has been involved in a fistfight at a high school sports event.
90.    Your mother has more chest hair than your father.
91.    Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
92.    Your new job promotion means the company foots the bill to have your name sewn on your shirts.
93.    Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.
94.    Your richest relative invites you over to his new home to help him remove the wheels and skirt.
95.    Your watchband is wider than any book you've ever read.
96.    Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
97.    Your wife weighs more then your refrigerator.