You Know it's a Bad Day When...
1. The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.
2. The sun comes up in the West.
3. You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.
4. You call your answering service and they tell you it's none of
your business.
5. You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
6. You put your bra on backward and it fits better.
7. You see a "60 Minutes" news team waiting in your office.
8. You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out
of the city.
9. You wake up and discover you waterbed broke and then you
realize that you don't have a waterbed.
10. You wake up and your braces are locked together.
11. You wake up face down on the pavement.
12. You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party
and there aren't any.
13. Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
14. Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.
15. Your boss tells you not to bother taking off your coat.
16. Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you
follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway.
17. Your computer date turns out tobe your ex-wife.
18. Your income tax check bounces.
19. Your pet rock snaps at you.
20. Your twin sister forgets you birthday.
21. Your wife says, "Good morning, Bill" and your name is George.
22. Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache.