Things Never to Say to a Naked Man

  1. Aha, it's cute.
  2. Are you cold?
  3. At least this won't take long.
  4. But it still works, right?
  5. Can I be honest with you?
  6. Can I paint a smiley face on it?
  7. Does it come with an air pump?
  8. [giggle and point]
  9. How sweet, you brought incense.
  10. I guess this makes me the "early bird."
  11. I never saw one like that before.
  12. I've smoked fatter joints that that.
  13. If you get me real drunk first.
  14. Is that an optical illusion?
  15. It looks so unused.
  16. It's OK, we'll work around it.
  17. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
  18. Make it dance.
  19. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
  20. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
  21. Oh, no... a flash headache.
  22. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
  23. This explains your car.
  24. What is that?
  25. Why don't we just cuddle.
  26. Why don't we just skip right to the cigarettes?
  27. Why is God punishing me?
  28. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
  29. Wow, and your feet are so big.
  30. You know they have surgery to fix that.