Murphy's Laws on Sex

  1. A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her.
  2. A man in the house is worth two on the street.
  3. A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride.
  4. A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't.
  5. Abstain from wine, women and song; mostly song.
  6. B4 I LV U, U QT, = (R U)/18?
  7. Beauty is only skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone.
  8. Before you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs.
  9. Do it only with the best.
  10. Don't do it if you can't keep it up.
  11. Folks playing leap frog must complete all jumps.
  12. If the effort that went into research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon.
  13. If you got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
  14. It is always the wrong time of the month.
  15. It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
  16. It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
  17. It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.
  18. Love comes in spurts.
  19. Love is a hole in the heart.
  20. Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.
  21. Love is the delusion that one woman differs form another.
  22. Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
  23. Love your neighbor, but don't get caught.
  24. Never argue with a woman when she is tired... or rested.
  25. Never go to bed mad; stay up and fight.
  26. Never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you.
  27. Never say no.
  28. Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
  29. Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog.
  30. No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same again.
  31. No sex with anyone in the same office.
  32. Nothing improves with age.
  33. One good turn gets most of the blankets.
  34. Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.
  35. Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly.
  36. Sex has no calories.
  37. Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning.
  38. Sex is dirty only if it's done right.
  39. Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either.
  40. Sex is like snow: You never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.
  41. Sex is one of nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant.
  42. Sex takes up the least amount of time and cause the most amount of troubles.
  43. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
  44. Sow your wild oats on Saturday night. Then on Sunday pray for crop failure.
  45. The best way to hold a man is in your arms.
  46. The game of love is never called off on account of darkness.
  47. The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.
  48. The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later.
  49. The world does not revolve on an axis.
  50. The younger the better.
  51. There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.
  52. There is no remedy for sex, but more sex.
  53. There may be some things better than sex, and some things may be worse. But there is nothing exactly like it.
  54. This won't hurt, I promise.
  55. Thou shalt not commit adultery... unless in the mood.
  56. Virginity can be cured.
  57. What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.
  58. When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.
  59. When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.
  60. You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women.