Medical Commentary

Collected from medical interview records written by various paramedics, emergency room receptionists, and (we are afraid) a doctor or two at major hospitals.

1. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
2. Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.
3. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
4. Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.
5. Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
6. Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.
7. Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.
8. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
9. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
10. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
11. Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.
14. The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
15. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
16. The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.
17. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
18. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
19. The skin was moist and dry.
20. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
21. While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.