Medical Misstatements


     Does technical medical jargon daunt you? Take heart. It seems to trip up medical folks from time to time, too. Here is proof in excerpts reportedly taken from medical records:

1.    Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.
2.    Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
3.    Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.
4.    Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
5.    Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
6.    She is numb from her toes down.
7.    She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.
8.    The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
9.    The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
10.    The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
11.    The patient was to have a bowel resection. However he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
12.    When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
13.    While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.