Medical Aphorisms

1.    A cold is both positive and negative; sometimes the eyes have it, sometimes the nose.
2.    A doctor was at the beach when he saw a shark in the water and fainted dead away. Later when he woke his wife said to him, "You've got to quit imagining that there are lawyers everywhere!"
3.    A young woman at the hospital was given a private room. She was too cute for wards.
4.    An apple a day keeps the doctor away... if it is aimed well. An apple every eight hours keeps three doctors away. Think how much fun you could have with the doctor's wife and a bucket of apples.
5.    Dentists are incapable of asking questions that need a simple yes or no answer.
6.    "Do you cheat on your wife?" asked the psychiatrist. "Who else?" answered the patient.
7.    "Doctor, don't cut so deep. That's the third operating table you've ruined this month!"
8.    Gynecologist to doctor: I've been feeling low lately, Doc.
9.    "Have a ride in my new ambulance", said Tom hospitably.
10.    Heard that Hollywood is making a movie about the dangers of casual sex? Its called "Germs of Endearment"
11.    "I never get lost", said the pathologist.
12.    "I've got all the work I can handle", said the doctor patiently.
13.    It is said that the Limbic system of the brain controls the four "F's": Feeding, Fighting, Fleeing, and Reproduction.
14.    Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
15.    Old Doctors never die, they just loose their patience.
16.    Old lawyers never die, they just threaten their doctor with malpractice.
17.    Sign for a gynecologist who doubles as a general practitioner:
Doctor for Women
and other diseases
18.    "The doctors had to remove a bone from my arm", said Tom humorlessly.
19.    The resident began his examination of an Elderly man by asking him what brought him to the hospital. The man replied, "An ambulance."
20.    There are more old drunkards than old doctors.
21.    You know, my dentist thinks of railways to relax. Ah yes, trains-and-dental meditation.
22.    "You're so ugly, when you were born, the doctor turned you over and said, "Hey look; Twins."
23.    "You're so ugly that when you were born, the doctor spanked your mom."