How to Keep a Healthy Level of Insanity in the Workplace

1.    Agree to organize the company Christmas party. Hold it at McDonald's Playland. Charge everyone $15 each.
2.    Arrive at a meeting late, say you're sorry, but you didn't have time for lunch, and you're going to be nibbling during the meeting. During the meeting eat 5 entire raw potatoes.
3.    Bring in dishes that you tried to cook but didn't turn out quite right as special treats for your co-workers.
4.    Build models of the Seven Wonders of the World using empty soda cans.
5.    Come to work in your pajamas.
6.    Compose all your e-mail in rhyming couplets.
7.    Decorate your office with pictures of Cindy Brady and Danny Partridge. Try to pass them off as your children.
8.    Determine how many cups of coffee is "too many."
9.    Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
10.    Email nude gifs (graphic image files) of yourself to your coworkers. Tell them you got them off the Internet.
11.    Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
12.    Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.
13.    Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them to sign a waiver.
14.    Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender than you are.)
15.    For a relaxing break, get away from it all with a mask and snorkel in the fish tank. If no one notices, take out your snorkel and see how many you can catch in your mouth.
16.    Grow mold in your coffee cup.
17.    Hang mistletoe over your desk.
18.    "Hi-lite" your shoes. Tell people that you haven't lost your shoes since you did this.
19.    Include a personal note on every email you send. "On a personal note, I'm feeling a bit tired and grumpy today." "On a personal note, I'm pleased to announce that I got my highest score ever on Tetris last night."
20.    Include a piece of your children's artwork as a cover page for all reports that you write. (If you don't have children, draw stick figures yourself.)
21.    Insist that your e-mail address be "zena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com"
22.    Install a set of buttons and lights in the arm of your chair. Talk into your daytimer.
23.    Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No I'm sorry I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Chachi."
24.    Name all your pens and insist that meetings can't begin until they're all present.
25.    No matter what anyone asks you, reply "Okay."
26.    Organize a carpool. Go to pick everyone up in a taxi.
27.    Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)
28.    Plant a hedge around your cubicle.
29.    Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.
30.    Put a picture of your mother on your business card.
31.    Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
32.    Put on your headphones whenever the boss comes into the office. Talk in a loud voice. Remove your headphones when he or she leaves.
33.    Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle.
34.    Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it "IN."
35.    Schedule meetings for 4:14 pm.
36.    Send e-mail messages saying free pizza, free donuts etc. in the lunchroom, when people complain that there was none, just lean back, pat your stomach, and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than that." See how long it takes until the last person stops believing you. Then start planting pizzas.
37.    Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them what you're doing. For example "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."
38.    Send e-mail to yourself engaging yourself in an intelligent debate about the direction of one of your company's products. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.
39.    Suggest that beer be put in the soda machine.
40.    When in conversation, no matter where you are in the office, mutter, "I think my phone is ringing" and leave. Go get a coffee.
41.    When you go to a party at somebody's house, don't automatically assume that the drinks are free. Ask, and ask often.
42.    While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in "Palmolive."