Actual Newspaper Headlines

  1. 10 Revolting Officers Executed
  2. 20-Year Friendship Ends At Altar
  3. Air Head Fired
  4. All-Stars Turn On Sparse Crowd
  5. Antique Stripper To Display Wares At Store
  6. Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
  7. Asbestos Suit Pressed
  8. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
  9. Autos killing 110 a day; Let's Resolve to do Better
  10. Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
  11. Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
  12. Blind Woman Gets New Kidney from Dad She Hasn't Seen in Years
  13. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
  14. British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
  15. Cancer Society Honors Marlboro Man
  16. Carribean Islands Drift To Left
  17. Cause Of AIDS Found -- Scientists
  18. Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
  19. Child's Death Ruins Couple's Holiday
  20. Child's Stool Great for Use in Garden
  21. City May Impose Mandatory Time For Prostitution
  22. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
  23. Collegians Are Turning To Vegetables
  24. Columnist Gets Urologist In Trouble With His Peers
  25. Complaints About NBA Referees Growing Ugly
  26. Connie Tied, Nude Policeman Testifies
  27. County Officials To Talk Rubbish
  28. Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
  29. Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing
  30. Deaf Mute Gets New Hearing in Killing
  31. Dealers Will Hear Car Talk at Noon
  32. Death Causes Loneliness, Feeling of Isolation
  33. Deer Kill 17,000
  34. Defendent's Speech Ends In Long Sentence
  35. Doctor Testifies In Horse Suit
  36. Dr. Ruth to Talk About Sex with Newspaper Editors
  37. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
  38. Drunk Drivers Paid $1,000 in 1984
  39. Enfield Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
  40. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
  41. Eye Drops Off Shelf
  42. Farmer Bill Dies in House
  43. Flaming Toilet Seat Causes Evacuation At High School
  44. Food Service Feeds Thousands, Grosses Millions
  45. Genetic Engineering Splits Scientists
  46. Grandmother of Eight Makes Hole in One
  47. Half-Million Italian Women Seen On Pill
  48. Hershey Bars Protest
  49. Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
  50. House Passes Gas Tax onto Senate
  51. Idaho Group Organizes To Help Service Widows
  52. If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
  53. Include your Children when Baking Cookies
  54. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
  55. Is There a Ring of Debris Around Uranus?
  56. Judge Acts To Reopen Theater
  57. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
  58. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
  59. Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
  60. Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
  61. Lawmen from Mexico Barbecue Guests
  62. Lawyers Give Poor Free Legal Advice
  63. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
  64. Local Man Has Longest Horns In Texas
  65. Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
  66. Man Held Over Giant L.A. Brush Fire
  67. Man is Fatally Slain
  68. Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
  69. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
  70. Meat Head Fights Hike In Minimum Pay
  71. Men Recommend More Clubs For Wives
  72. Milk Drinkers are Turning to Powder
  73. Miners Refuse to Work after Death
  74. Mrs. Corson's Seat Up For Grabs
  75. Never Withhold Herpes [Infection] from Loved One
  76. New Autos To Hit 5 Million
  77. New Housing For Elderly Not Yet Dead
  78. New Jersey Judge To Rule On Nude Beach
  79. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
  80. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
  81. Nicaragua Sets Goal to Wipe out Literacy
  82. Nuns Drop Suit; Bishops Agree To Aid Them
  83. Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
  84. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
  85. Pastor Aghast At First Lady Sex Position
  86. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
  87. Planned Parenthood Looking For Volunteers
  88. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
  89. Police Discover Crack In Australia
  90. President Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
  91. Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff
  92. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
  93. Quarter of a Million Chinese Live on Water
  94. Queen Mary having Bottom Scraped
  95. Reagan Wins on Budget, but More Lies Ahead
  96. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
  97. Robber Holds Up Albert's Hosiery
  98. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
  99. Scent of Foul Play In Death Of Man Found Bound And Hanged
  100. Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
  101. Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
  102. Smokers are Productive, but Death Cuts Efficiency
  103. Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
  104. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
  105. South Florida Illegal Aliens Cut In Half By New Law
  106. Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again
  107. Split Rears In Farmers' Movement
  108. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
  109. Steals Clock, Faces Time
  110. Stiff Opposition Expected to Casketless Funeral Plan
  111. Stolen Painting Found by Tree
  112. Stud Tires Out
  113. Suicidal Twin Kills Sister by Mistake!
  114. Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
  115. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
  116. Thugs Eat Then Rob Proprietor
  117. Town To Drop School Bus When Overpass Is Ready
  118. Traffic Dead Rise Slowly
  119. Tuna Biting Off Washington Coast
  120. Two Convicts Evade Noose, Jury Hung
  121. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Check-out Counter
  122. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
  123. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
  124. War Dims Hope for Peace
  125. William Kelly, 87, Was Fed Secretary