Reasons It's Great To Be A Guy

1. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
2. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.
3. All your orgasms are real.
4. At least a few belches are expected and tolerated.
5. Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal showers.
6. Bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
7. Baywatch
8. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
9. Chocolate is just another snack.
10. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
11. Dry cleaners and haircutter's don't rob you blind.
12. ESPN's SportsCenter.
13. Everything on your face stays its original color.
14. Flowers fix everything. (Or Duct Tape!?)
15. Foreplay is optional.
16. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
17. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.
18. Hot wax never comes near you pubic area.
19. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong friends.
20. If someone forgets to invite you to something, they can still be you friend.
21. If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
22. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell you friends you've changed.
23. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
24. If your 34 and single nobody notices.
25. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
26. Monday Night Football.
27. Movie nudity is virtually always female.
28. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
29. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
30. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
31. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
32. Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
33. Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight.
34. One mood, all the time.
35. One wallet and one pair of shoes: One color, all seasons.
36. People never glance at your chest when your talking to them.
37. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
38. Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
39. Princess Di's death was almost just another obituary.
40. Same work, more pay.
41. Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
42. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
43. The National College Cheerleading Championships.
44. The garage is all yours.
45. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
46. The remote is yours and yours alone.
47. The same hair style lasts for years, maybe even decades.
48. The world is your urinal.
49. There is always a game on somewhere.
50. Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
51. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
52. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
53. When clicking through the channel, you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying.
54. When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
55. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
56. You almost never have strap problems in public.
57. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
58. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
59. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
60. You can be president.
61. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
62. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
63. You can do your nails with a pocketknife.
64. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
65. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
66. You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
67. You can go to the bathroom alone and without a support group.
68. You can kill your own food.
69. You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
70. You can open all your own jars.
71. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
72. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "F*#k it!"
73. You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
74. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
75. You can watch a game in silence with your buddy for hours without even thinking, "He must be mad at me!"
76. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
77. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
78. You can write your name in the snow.
79. You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.
80. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
81. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
82. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every nite.
83. You don't have to learn to spell a new last name.
84. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
85. You don't have to lug a bag of "necessary" items around everywhere you go.
86. You don't have to monitor your friends sex lives.
87. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
88. You don't have to shave below your neck.
89. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
90. You don't mooch off others' desserts.
91. You don't pass on the dessert and then mooch off someone else's.
92. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
93. You get to jump up and slap stuff.
94. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
95. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
96. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
97. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
98. You know stuff about tanks and airplanes.
99. You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
100. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
101. You never have to clean the toilet.
102. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just to skeevy.
103. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.
104. You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
105. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.
106. You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.
107. You spend only half as much for ear rings.
108. You think the idea of punting a cat or an ankle-biting dog is funny.
109. You understand why Stripes is funny.
110. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
111. Your belly usually hides your big hips.
112. Your last name stays put.
113. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"
114. Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.