Steps Toward Personal Growth and Life Fulfillment

  1. A good scapegoat is almost as good as a solution.
  2. All of me is beautiful, even the ugly, stupid and disgusting parts.
  3. As I learn the innermost secrets of people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep quiet.
  4. As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.
  5. As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath.
  6. Becoming aware of my character defects leads me naturally to the next step of blaming my parents.
  7. Before I criticize a man, I will walk a mile in his shoes. That way if he gets angry, he's a mile away and barefoot.
  8. Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves in knots.
  9. False hope is better than no hope at all.
  10. Having control over myself is almost as good as having control over others.
  11. I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.
  12. I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.
  13. I am one with my duality.
  14. I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.
  15. I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.
  16. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.
  17. I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws.
  18. I honor my personality flaws for without them I would have no personality at all.
  19. I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper, and complain.
  20. I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself, unless I want to stay employed.
  21. I will strive to live each day as if it were my 50th birthday.
  22. In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.
  23. Joan of Arc heard voices too.
  24. Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my underwear in the Hollywood Café. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom.
  25. My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of self-judgment.
  26. Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.
  27. The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working.
  28. The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nice things for myself. The third is to find someone to buy me nice things.
  29. To have a successful relationship I must learn to make it look like I'm giving as much as I'm getting.
  30. Today, I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so."
  31. When someone hurts me, I know that forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearly as gratifying.
  32. Who can I blame for my problems? Just give me a minute... I'll find someone.
  33. Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying about the future?