Dilbert Quotes

1. Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
2. Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?
3. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, 'cuz, like, you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
4. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
5. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
6. I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.
7. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
8. I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
9. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?"
10. My "Reality Check" bounced.
11. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.
12. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
13. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
14. Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.
15. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
16. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
17. You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.