Dear Abby: ...
1. A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a
middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in
her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and
I've never seen a man go into their apartment or come out. Do
you think they could be Lebanese?
2. I have a man I never could trust. Why, he cheats so much I'm
not even sure this baby I'm carrying is his.
3. I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been on
the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my
boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him
well enough to discuss money with him.
4. I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, and when
I confronted him with the evidence he denied everything and
said it would never happen again.
5. Will you please rush me the name of a reliable illegitimate
doctor?
6. Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who
was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?
7. I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do
I get out?
8. My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an
hour every week for two-and-a-half years. He must be crazy.
9. I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he
drank until one night he came home sober.
10. My mother is mean and short-tempered. I think she is going
through her mental pause.
11. This is the second marriage for both of us. And when my
husband said, "I will," he knew damn well he couldn't.
12. I've been going steady with this man for six years. We see
each other every night. He says he loves me, and I know I
love him, but he never mentions marriage. Do you think he's
going out with me just for what he can get?
Dear Gertie:
I don't know. What's he getting?
13. Our son was married in January. Five months later his wife
had a ten-pound baby girl. They said the baby was premature.
Tell me, can a baby this big be that early?
Dear Wondering:
The baby was on time, the wedding was late. Forget it.
14. Is it possible for a man to be in love with two women at the
same time?
Dear Jake:
Yes, and also hazardous.
15. I know boys will be boys, but my 'boy' is seventy-three and
he's still chasing women. Any suggestions?
Dear Annie:
Don't worry. My dog has been chasing cars for years, but if
he ever caught one, he wouldn't know what to do with it.
16. I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I
can't afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Any
suggestions?
Dear Sam:
Yes. Run for public office.
17. What inspires you most to write?
Dear Ted:
The Bureau of Internal Revenue.
18. When you are being introduced, is it all right to say, "I've
heard a lot about you"?
Dear Rita:
It depends on what you've heard.
19. I am forty-four years old and I would like to meet a man my
age with no bad habits.
Dear Rose: So would I.
20. What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?
Dear Bess:
Night and day.
21. I've been married for six years and have five kids. No twins.
My husband still wants to have sex every night and sometimes
in the morning too. I told him he should get himself a hobby,
and he says that is his hobby.
22. I have a man I never could trust. Why, he cheats so much I'm
not even sure this baby I'm carrying is his.
23. Do you think it would be all right if I gave my doctor a
little gift? I tried for years to get pregnant and couldn't
and he finally did it.
24. I met this nice guy who was in the service. He's the chief
petting officer.
25. Then you told some woman whose husband had lost all interest
in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all
interest in sex years ago and he is a doctor.