Things Confucius Says

  1. Baseball wrong. Man with four balls not able to walk!
  2. Boy who go to bed with sexual problem wake up with solution in hand.
  3. Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ.
  4. He who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs.
  5. If you park, don't drink. Accidents cause people.
  6. It is good for girl to meet boy in park; but better for boy to park meat in girl!
  7. It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
  8. Learn to masturbate; come in handy.
  9. Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam.
  10. Man who buy drowned cat must pay for wet pussy.
  11. Man who do business in whorehouse get jerked around.
  12. Man who drive like hell, bound to get there!
  13. Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time.
  14. Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
  15. Man who fart in church must sit in own pew.
  16. Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night!
  17. Man who finger girl having period get caught red handed.
  18. Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with smelly finger.
  19. Man who jizz in cash register come into money.
  20. Man who live in glass house should change in basement.
  21. Man who run behind car get exhausted. Man who run in front of car get tired.
  22. Man who sit on tack get point!
  23. Man who sleep in cathouse by day, sleep in doghouse by night.
  24. Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
  25. Man who walk through airport turnstile backwards going to Bangkok.
  26. Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
  27. Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
  28. Never swear or curse at loved one in front of friends, R-E-S-P-E-C-T and T-R-U-S-T is lost and hard to regain.
  29. Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.
  30. Passionate kiss like spider web; soon lead to undoing of fly.
  31. Virgin(ity) like balloon/bubble: One prick, all gone.
  32. War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
  33. Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
  34. Woman who fly airplane upside down, have crackup.
  35. Woman who pounce on dead rooster go down on limp cock.
  36. Woman who wear G-string, high on crack!