Clinton Aphorisms

  1. And we thought Nixon was the Tricky Dick!
  2. Be easy on Bill. To paraphrase Alice Roosevelt (on FDR and Eleanor), after all, he does have Hillary.
  3. Clinton: I didn't do it; but if I did, it was out of love for Hillary.
  4. He says he poked a little, but he didn't penetrate.
  5. Hillary says she doesn't mind since she doesn't want Bill in that way.
  6. I bet Bill and Hillary had a long night last night.
  7. Name that Scandal. Winner: Zippergate. First runner up: Tailgate. Second runner up: Fornigate.
  8. Monica said she may as well be truthful now about Bill because she doesn't think she stands a chance of getting on the Presidential Staff again.
  9. She also said she was going to testify truthfully about Bill Clinton. No way will she go down for Bill Clinton. Well, not again, anyway.
  10. When asked what was the difference between a night of bowling and a night with Hillary, the president replied, "If I had to I could eat the bowling ball."
  11. From a recent interview with Bill: "I am sick and tired of all this talk about sex. I've had it up to here with sex... But, not recently."
  12. The White House scandal wasn't really Bill's fault. It was just something he got sucked into.
  13. The difference between Bill and his dog Buddy is that Buddy chases his own tail.
  14. Bill was recently overheard complimenting Monica's appearance. "She's got the whitest teeth I've ever cum across!"
  15. Bill's nickname for Hillary is "My little buttercup." His nickname for Monica? "My little suction cup."
  16. Clinton to Monica: "I didn't tell you to lie in deposition... I told you to lie in that position!"
  17. Aide: (to President) Kenneth Starr sucks!
    Bill: Well, send him right in!
  18. Name of Hillary's next book: "It Takes A Village Idiot."
  19. If a couple in Arkansas get married, move to Washington, then move back to Arkansas, are they still brother and sister?
  20. As Air Force One prepares to land, the captain makes his customary request over the loudspeaker. "Mr. President, would you please return the stewardess to the upright position and prepare to land?"
  21. A reporter asked Clinton one day. "Was Monica lying?"
    Clinton responded by saying. "No, she was on her knees."
  22. Dan Quayle, Frank Gifford, and Bill Clinton were in a spelling contest. Unbelievably, Dan Quayle won! He was the only one of the three who knew that harass was one word.
  23. Women in Washington DC were asked if they would have sex with the President. 86% said "Not again."
  24. Because of Bill Clinton's admission of lying under oath and to the American public, reports say Hillary is changing her name and leaving Bill. From now on she will be known as Sharon Peters.
  25. Al Gore and Bill Clinton were discussing pre-marital sex. Al asked Bill, "I never slept with my wife before we were married, did you?" Bill replied, "I'm not sure, what was Tipper's maiden name?"