Biblical Bloopers

What follows are biblical bloopers Sunday School students studying in their religious classes.

From the Old Testament
1.    Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
2.    David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in the biblical times.
3.    In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, The Lord got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
4.    Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
5.    Moses died before he ever reached the UK. Then, Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol.
6.    Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.
7.    Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments.
8.    Noah built the ark, which the animals came on in pears.
9.    Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
10.    Sampson slated the Philistines with the axe of apostles.
11.    Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like Delilah.
12.    Solomon, one of David's sons, has 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
13.    The Fifth Commandment is humor thy mother and father.
14.    The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
15.    The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
16.    The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.
17.    The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

From the New Testament
1.    A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony.
2.    It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
3.    Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, "Man doth not live by sweat alone."
4.    One of the opossums was St. Matthew, who was by profession a taximan.
5.    St. John, the Blacksmith, dumped water on his head.
6.    St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
7.    The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
8.    The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
9.    When Mary heard that she was the Mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
10.    When the three wise guys from the East Side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager. Jesus was born because Mary had an emaculate contraption.