1. A burp is not an answer.
2. All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy.
3. Coffee is not for kids.
4. Five days is not too long to wait for a gun.
5. Funny noises are not funny.
6. Goldfish don't bounce.
7. I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers.
8. I am not deliciously saucy.
9. I do not have diplomatic immunity.
10. I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge.
11. I will never win an emmy.
12. I will not aim for the head.
13. I will not barf unless I'm sick
14. I will not bring sheep to class.
15. I will not bury the new kid.
16. I will not call the principal "Spud head."
17. I will not carve gods.
18. I will not celebrate meaningless milestones.
19. I will not charge admission to the bathroom.
20. I will not conduct my own fire drills.
21. I will not defame New Orleans.
22. I will not eat things for money.
23. I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.
24. I will not fake seizures.
25. I will not go near the kindergarten turtle.
26. I will not prescribe medication.
27. I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause.
28. I will not sell miracle cures.
29. I will not skateboard in the halls.
30. I will not snap bras.
31. I will not spank others.
32. I will not teach others to fly.
33. I will not torment the emotionally frail.
34. I will not waste chalk.
35. I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call.
36. I will return the seeing-eye dog.
37. Mud is not one of the 4 food groups.
38. My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man.
39. My name is not Dr. Death.
40. No one is interested in my underpants.
41. Organ transplants are best left to professionals.
42. Teacher is not a leper.
43. The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy.
44. The Christmas Pageant does not stink.
45. The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with "Hail Satan."
46. The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee.
47. There are plenty of businesses like show business.
48. This punishment is not boring and pointless.
49. Underwear should be worn on the inside.