Ways to Annoy People
1. Acquire a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute
whole streets.
2. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green,
and insist to others that you "like it that way."
3. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to
your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
4. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
5. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble
their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about
"psychological profiles."
6. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of
your "Astronaut training."
7. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your
neighbors upstairs for "Violating your airspace."
8. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their
complimentary mints by the cash register.
9. Disassemble your pen and "accidently" flip the ink cartridge
across the room.
10. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences,
producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be
saying more any moment.
11. Dont use any punctuation
12. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell
the neighbors you are a "spider person."
13. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with
prophesy."
14. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they
touch with a can of Lysol.
15. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener
it was a "real hoot."
16. Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a
nasal Howard Cossell voice.
17. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
18. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and
"cc." them (send a copy) to your boss.
19. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
20. Honk and wave to strangers.
21. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen
while talking to others.
22. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual
massage."
23. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all
weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if
people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
25. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in
public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
26. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch
paper, 99 copies.
27. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
28. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
29. Name your dog "Dog."
30. Practice making fax and modem noises.
31. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking"
noise.
32. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
33. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times:
"Do you hear that?"
"What?"
"Never mind, it's gone now."
34. Reply to everything someone says with, "that's what YOU
think."
35. Send really long joke e-mails to all the people you know.
36. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over
your ears.
37. Sing along at the opera.
38. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
39. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars
to see if they slow down.
40. Sniffle incessantly.
41. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
42. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
43. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
44. Staple papers in the wrong corner of the page.
45. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and
announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."
46. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
47. type only in lowercase.
48. TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.
49. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom
of your chin. When nearly done, announce, "No, wait, I messed
it up," and repeat.
50. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
51. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a
parakeet.