Only in America: The Irony

1. A pizza can get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. America is the country that has more food to eat than any other country in the world and more diets to keep us from eating it.
3. Americans are suppose to be the most civilized Christian nation on earth, but they can't deliver payrolls without an armored car.
4. Americans are the only people in the world who will pay $5.00 to park their car while eating a $3.00 sandwich.
5. Americans buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
6. Americans get scared to death if the government votes for a billion dollars for education, then are unconcerned when they find out Americans spend three billion dollars a year for cigarettes.
7. Americans have more experts on marriage than any other country in the world and still have more divorces.
8. Americans have more food to eat than any other country in the world and more diets to keep us from eating it.
9. Americans know the line-up of every baseball team in the American and National leagues, but don't know half the words to the "Star Spangled Banner."
10. Americans leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the garage.
11. Americans order double cheese burgers, large fries, and wash it all down with a Diet Coke.
12. Americans run from morning to night trying to keep their earning power up with their yearning power.
13. Americans tie up their dog while letting their sixteen year old son run wild.
14. Americans use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so they won't miss a call from someone they didn't want to talk to in the first place.
15. Americans use the word "politics" to describe the process so well: "Poli" in latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "blood-sucking creatures."
16. Americans whip the enemy in battle, then give them the shirts off our backs.
17. Americans will spend half a day looking for vitamin pills to make us live longer, then drive 90 miles an hour on slick pavement to make up for lost time.
18. Americans will work hard on a farm so they can move into town where they can make more money so they can move back to the farm.
19. Americans yell for speed laws that will stop fast driving, then won't buy a car if it can't go over 100 miles an hour.
20. Americans yell for the Government to balance the budget, then take the last dime we have to make a down payment on a car.
21. Banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
22. In the office Americans talk about baseball, shopping, or fishing, but when we are out at the games, the mall or on the lake, they talk about business.
23. There are handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.