Candidates Letter:
Dear Recruiting Director,
Fourth and goal from the four. Down by six with time running
out. Coach calls for the slant. Pressure rivaled only by the
closing minutes in the commodities pits. I want the ball and I
want a shot at the corporate finance analyst position.
I will be graduating from Texas A&M this coming May. This
past summer I had the opportunity to go to New York and meet with
professionals at several of Wall Street's leading investment banks.
Since I thrive on competition, it did not take me long to decide
that investment banking is where I want to start my career.
I realize that the competition is stiff and the job can be
difficult. I am excited about the opportunity to work as an
analyst and bring some Texas flavor to your firm. Success breeds
success, and I have come to expect nothing short of success from
myself. In short, I will catch the slant pass for the win, but I
will also make the block that allows the quarterback to throw the
pass.
My resume is enclosed. Thank you for your time and I look
forward to hearing from you soon.
Firm's Response:
Dear Candidate,
12:30 a.m. on a lonely Tuesday night. Managing Director left
at 5:30 p.m. Critical client presentation at 10:00 a.m. tomorrow
morning in Denver. Haven't had any sleep in 36 hours. Continue to
wait while insignificant rushes are done ahead of my book in word
processing. Only surviving on No-Doz, Snickers and warm Cokes
since the caterer screwed up my dinner order. Got to get six books
out to the airport for a 7:30 a.m. flight, its a blizzard out and
my gas guage reads "E" for empty.
These are the pressures a corporate finance analyst goes
through in order to be successful. We seek individuals who are
team players, willing to toil doing the mundane (to use your
misplaced football analogy) "blocking and tackling", not someone
who seeks the spotlight and the ball, only to keep the glory for
himself.
You are correct in that the competition is stiff and the job
difficult. Unfortunately, we don't need any Texas flavor (we just
get by on Tabasco and Cajun pepper), and the slant pattern you
apparantly ran was the wrong call.
Best of luck in your continued job search (try a baseball
analogy next time).
Sincerely,
Recruiting Director
P.S. We are still trying to determine how you could both block for
the quarterback to throw a pass and catch that same pass at the
same time. Apparently, you have Deion Sanders type of skills.
Consequently, we have taken the liberty to forward your resume to
the Dallas Cowboys.