Microsoft C Problem?

Gentlemen:

While my career occupies much of my time, I do programming at home as a hobby. I noticed a new addition to your library with the recent release of your new C Compiler. I was having a problem, which I was finally able to overcome by using one of the undocumented calls.
.................................................................

#include <stdio.h>
main()
{
printf("Hello world\n");
}
.................................................................

10342: Line 5, unknown function 'printf'

No object file: test.obj
Abnormal Program Termination
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#include <stdio.h>
#include <sys/hidden/bribe.h>

main()
{
printf("Hello world\n");
}
.................................................................

Output File: test.exe
Program completed without error.
.................................................................

     I couldn't help but notice that my VISA account was debited $18.42 each time that I ran the compiler, and that on each successful completion, my modem would dial and connect with an unknown system.
     I don't mean to complain, but wished to inquire about the notice which was on the envelope containing the diskettes which came with my purchase:
    "Breaking of this seal affirms a contractual agreement between the Purchaser and the Microsoft Corporation. The Purchaser agrees to abide by the terms and conditions of the License conditionally granted by the Microsoft Corporation. Copies of this licence may be obtained by ordering a copy of it from our purchasing department. The cost for a copy of the license is $99.00 and includes a copy of MSDOS Version 4.0. Continued use of this product may incur subsequent user charges as outlined in the contract. The Microsoft Corporation assumes no liabilities for the use of this product, and offers no warranties, expressed or implied. Damage to systems or loss of business revenues through the use of this software shall be deemed amusing."

After contacting your organization in an attempt to return the compiler, I was told that I would be assessed a $400.00 restocking fee. Since I only paid $197 for the product, I felt that this was a bit exhorbinant. After ending the conversation with your Customer Service Department, I noted that another debit from my VISA account. The debit was made in favor of Microsoft and was labelled "consultation fee."
This letter is not to complain about your business policies, but instead recognizes the stability and cash flow that Microsoft enjoys as a result of them. Since your policies reflect closely my own aims in my career, and there is a significant possibility that I may be available in a few months, I would like to interview for a position at Microsoft. A copy of my resume has been sent under separate cover.

Sincerely,

George Bush