What is it?

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

         Oh scholar eating and uncomplicated Oracle, whose sexiness fills the xeroxing void of computer nerds' lives as the light bulbs do brighten the night sky, whose inkwell I am too prodigal to imprison, whose shoulder I am not worthy to babysit, whose ribses are like unto infinite foibles, grant me this morsel of your omniscience.
          What is "it"?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

     At long last!!!! The question has been asked, the chosen one has arrived!!! The prophesy is fulfilled, I am free to be one with the universe!!! This is fabulous!! Great! Yeah! I bet you are wondering what the hell I am talking about, right? Well, it all started a long time ago...

[Please crank the vertical hold on your monitor, to simulate a flashback effect]

     A solitary man rides his grey horse through the mountains, approaching Mount Olympus, home of the gods. Suddenly, a voice calls out.
     "Who are you to approach the home of the Gods"
     But the man remained unafraid. "Who's asking?" he sneered.
     "I am Nikkon, God of pictures, and protector of the Olympus Infinity. No man may pass, without undertaking some task for me."
     "Big deal, so whaddya want me to do, mow your lawn or something?"
     "No, that is a task that I leave for my son, Cannon. Yours is a different destiny. I shall give you absolute knowledge, and..."
     "Cool!"
     "...Shut up, I'm not done yet."
     "Sorry"
     "Anyway, and you shall use that knowledge to answer all questions posed to you throughout time, until you are asked the one question to free you from your task."
     "Well, what is it?"
     "Hmmm, yeah, that sounds like a good one. Sure, you shall remain at your post until you are asked the question: 'What is it?'"
     "So what happens then?"
     "Hmmm, I haven't thought too much about that either. Well, let's say that when you are asked that question, the person who asks it is forced to take over your task, and you are free to roam the cosmos."
     "I like it, it shows a touch of panache."
     "So tell puny one, what is your name, that shall come to symbolize knowledge throughout time and space"
     "I am known as J. Danforth Quayle."
     "Hmmm, no, that won't do, nobody will take you seriously at all. We'll have to give you a new name. How about 'Fred'?"
     "No."
     "Bruce?"
     "No."
     "Big Eddie?"
     "No, I have a cousin named 'Big Eddie.'"
     "Well, then, I guess you shall be known as 'The Oracle' until we can come up with something good."
     "Ugh, that's worse that 'Bruce'."
     "Well, tough luck."
     "So when do I start?"
     "Right now, you can open up a little shop in Delphi. Remember to give clear concise answers now."
     "Yeah, yeah, whatever."
     
[Adjust your vertical hold to do the back-to-the-present effect]

     So you see, I am now free of my onus so that... No, no, 'onus, ONUS' get your mind out of the gutter. Anyway, I am free, and you must answer all the stupid questions from these obnoxious supplicants until you are asked the question, um, let me think up a good one.
     Ah, got it. You must remain the Oracle, until you are asked the question, 'Where are my car keys?'
     <Bzapppht>
     There, now you know everything, good luck. If you need anything, I'll be in Daytona Beach, working on my tan. Oh by the way, now that you know the answer to "What is it?", it's pretty stupid, huh? Oh well, catch you later. Hmm, now where are my car keys?