Form Letter: Please Reply!

Hello! I haven't heard from you in quite a while. I know you just don't have the time to write, so I've taken the liberty of making a letter where you can just check off your responses, and mail it to me in the enclosed self-addressed (not stamped) envelope.

* My Dearest Darling,
* Hey You!
* My L.ve!
* To whom it may concern:
* Other: __________

I Haven't written because:
* I've been sick.
* YOU make me sick.
* my (boy/girl)-friend won't let me.
* I've been awful busy.
* Other: __________

I hope you are:
* doing fine.
* dying with cancer.
* enjoying yourself.
* coming home soon.
* knocked-up.
* dead!
* Other: __________

I'll write you when:
* hell freezes over.
* I get well.
* you get short.
* my (boy/girl)-friend is working
* Other: __________

I've got to go now because:
* My (boy/girl)-friend is due.
* I'm tired of making check marks!
* I've got to take a shit.
* I've got better things to do.
* Other: __________

Give my regards to:
* our mutual friends.
* your sister/brother(s).
* the girl/guy next door.
* your fairy God-mother.
* Other: __________

I love:
* Paris in the Spring.
* as often as possible.
* American style.
* You.
* Anyone BUT you!
* Other: __________

I have received:
* all of your letters.
* one of your letters.
* nothing, as my mail was confiscated.
* a subpoena.
* Other: __________

I am:
* ecstatic!
* not sure what "ecstatic" means.
* a manic depressive.
* horny.
* homicidal
* Other: __________

Last Night I had:
* crepe suzettes.
* a bad taco.
* a sexual dream.
* sex.
* Other: __________

Always Remember that:
* I love you!
* I hate you!
* I could care less.
* I'm doing my best.
* Other: __________

Signed:
* L.ve,
* Yours Truly,
* A Friend,
* Get Lost!
* Adios Sucker!
* Other: __________