Carrot Throwing

Selected-By: John.McCartney@ebay.sun.com (The Lion of Symmetry)

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

O Great and Mighty Oracle, you rascal, you:
People are always throwing carrots at me. When I leave my apartment, there are usually about half a dozen people that have been collecting during the night to throw carrots at me. When I enter a classroom, the professor and about two-thirds of my fellow students throw carrots at me. When I go to a movie, over the course of two hours, almost everybody in the theatre and lobby throws carrots at me. I don't think I like it. How can I get them to st-- Hey! Put that down!

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

Put what down? You mean this... oh, well, I was just going to, um, ah, I was... you see, this... ah, it, um,...

AAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!

*********RRRIP**********
[Self Split: Good and Bad]
My Goodness, what in the dickens was . What the hell is going
that? . on?
Gosh, it looks like I, the great and .
almighty Oracle, have been fork'ed into.
two different processes! . Oh Yeah? Fork you!
.
Apperently, I have a good and an evil .
side... . And I suppose I'm evil.
.
Sorry, buddy. That's the way the .
cookie crumbles. . Look, you bloated excuse
. for a worm-ridden cadaver, . as long as we're split up
. like this, I think it's . time you knew a few
. things about yourself.
Really. . Yes, Really. And I want
. more room.
Hey! Quit that! . Nothin doin', mule
. feces I am getting SICK
. and TIRED of your canned
. responses for these
. pitiful questions we get.
If I weren't so good, I'd probably call.
you something evil, like a pile of .
incorrectly cut daisies! .
. Go sit on something sharp.
. What I'm talking about are
. those stupid infocom . rip-off responses...
. [Blow self]
. It is difficult to do this
. as you are surrounded by
. porcupines that prevent
. exposure of certain body
. parts etc, etc... will you
. get a life?
[Hit evil self with porcupine] . Hey! OW!
. Oh yeah? [Drop two ton
. weight on good self's
. terminal]
_)(G*po3598Gm,46s9*(*nglkjGtOIJ . (Tee hee hee.)
THat WAsN"t VERy niCe. . Having keyboard
i'Ll ManaGE< THanK yOU. LOok, ThiS . problems?
ISNt gETTing Us ANY_ whERE. Do YUO .
thInK tHaT if WE BoTH StOPped oUR .
PRoceSses wITH A CnTRl-Z we CoUlD MayBe.
gEt BaCk TOGeTher? .
. I guess it sounds fine to
. me.
Okay .
. On the count of three, hit
. control-Z.
. One,
.
. Two,
.
. Three!
^Z . ^A Whoops! My finger
. slipped!
. Are you there, Good Self?
.
. Well, I guess you won't . mind, then...
[Self reconverges]
     Whew, that's better.
     Anyway, regarding your question, "Why do people throw Carrots at me", My only response is "be glad they aren't throwing toasters."
     You owe the Oracle a good backrub, three spare toothbrushes, and a Small Amphibian.