Element: Woman
Symbol: Wo
Discoverer: Adam
Quantitative Analysis: Accepted at 36-24-36, though isotopes
ranging from 25-10-25 to 60-55-60 have been identified.
Occurrence: Found wherever Man is, but seldom in the highly
reactive, energetic single state. Surplus quantities in all urban
areas.
Physical Properties: Undergoes spontaneous dehydrolysis (weeps) at
absolutely nothing and freezes at a moments notice. Totally
unpredictable. Melts when properly treated, very bitter if not
well used. Found in various states, ranging from virgin metal to
common ore. Non-magnetic, but attracted to money and sports cars.
In its natural shape, the specimen varies considerably, but it is
often changed artificially so well that the change is indiscernible
except to the experienced eye.
Chemical Properties: Has great affinity for Au, Ag, and Cu,
especially in the crystalline form. May give violent reaction if
left alone. Will absorb great amounts of food matter. Highly
desired reaction is initiated with various reagents such as
C(2)-H(5)-OH, and sexy aftershave lotions. An essential catalyst
is often required (you must say you love her at least five times
daily). Reaction accelerates when in the dark and all reaction
conditions are suitable. Extremely difficult to react if in the
highly stable pure form. Yields to pressure applied at the correct
points. The reaction is highly exothermic.
Storage: Best results are obtained between the ages of 18 and 25
years.
Uses: Highly ornamental. Used as a tonic for low spirits. Used
on lonely nights as a heating agent - if properly prepared.
Tests: Pure specimens turn rosy tint if discovered in raw, natural
state. Turns green if placed beside a better specimen.
Caution: Most powerful reducing agent known to Man (income and
ego). Highly explosive in inexperienced hands. Specimen must be
used with great care if experiments are to succeed.
NOTE: It is illegal to possess more than one permanent specimen,
though a certain amount of exchange is permitted.