Redneck Computer Terms
Backup: What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods.
Bar Code: Them's the fight'n rules down at the local tavern.
Bit: A wager as in, "I bit you can't spit that watermelon seed across the porch longways."
Bug: The reason you give for calling in sick.
Byte: 1First word in a kiss-off phrase. 2What your cur dawg dun to cusin Jethro. 3Whut them dang flys do. 4What mosquitos will do if you don't have a screen.
Cache: Needed when you run out of food stamps.
Chip: 1Pasture muffins that you try not to step in. 2Munchies fer the TV.
Crash: When you go to Junior's party uninvited.
Cursor: What some guys do when they are mad at their wife and/or girlfriend.
Digital: The art of counting on your fingers.
Digital Control: What yore fingers do on the TV remote.
Diskette: Female disco dancer.
Dot Matrix: Farmer Matrix's daughter/wife.
Download: Gettin the farwood off the truk.
Enter: 1Northerner talk fer "C'mon in y'all" 2C'mon in!
FAX: What you lie about to the IRS.
Floppy: When you run out of Polygrip.
Floppy Disk/Disc: 1Whatcha git from tryin to carry or pile up too much farwood.
Hacker: Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking.
Hardcopy: Picture looked at when selecting tattoos.
Hard Drive: 1Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer. 2Getting home in a snowstorm.
Infrared: Where the leftovers go when Fred is around.
Internet: What cafeteria workers put their hair in.
Keyboard: Where you hang the keys to the Truck and your John Deere.
LAN: To borrow as in, "Hey Delbert! LAN me yore truck."
Lap Top: 1Whar the kitty sleeps. 2Where kids feel comfy.
Log Off: Don't add no more wood.
Log On: Makin a wood stove hotter.
Mac: Big Bubba's favorite fast food.
Mainframe: Holds up the barn roof.
Megahertz: 1How your head feels after 17 beers. 2What happens when you drop a log on your toe while downloading. 3When yer not kerful gettin the farwood.
Micro Chip: Whut's in the bottom of the munchie bag.
MODEM: 1What ya did when the grass and weeds got too tall (gets rid of your dandelions.) 2Also, what you do to the hayfields.
Monitor: Keepin' an eye on the wood stove.
Mouse: 1Fuzzy, soft thing you stuff in your beer bottle in order to get a free case. 2Whut eats the grain in the barn.
Mouse Pad: 1Where Mickey and Minnie live. 2That hippie talk fer the rat hole.
Network: 1Activity meant to provide bait for your trout line. 2Scoop'n up a big fish before it breaks the line.
Online: Where to stay when taking the sobriety test.
Packet: What you do to a suitcase or Wal-Mart bag before a trip.
Port: 1Fancy Flatlander wine. 2Fancy wine tried once by farmer Matrix.
Prompt: Whut the mail ain't in the winter time.
RAM: 1That thar thing whut splits the farwood. 2The hydraulic thingy that makes the woodsplitter work.
Random Access Memory: Wen ya cain't 'member whut ya paid fer the rifle when yore wife asks.
Reboot: What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff.
ROM: 1Delicious when you mix it with coca cola. 2Where the Pope lives.
Screen: 1Helps keep the skeeters off the porch. 2Whut to shut wen it's blak fly season.
Serial Port: A red wine you drink with breakfast.
Software: 1Them dang plastic forks and knifs.
Superconductor: Amtrak's Employee of the Year.
SCSI: What you call your week-old underwear.
Terminal: Time to call the undertaker.
Window: Place in the truck to hang your guns.
Windows: Whut to shut wen it's cold outside.