First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they
must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can
also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into
hell and at what rate are souls leaving?
I think that we can safely assume that once a soul
gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are
leaving. As for souls entering hell, lets look at the
different religions that exist in the world today. Some
of these religions state that if you are not a member of
their religion, you will go to hell. Since there are
more than one of these religions and people do not belong
to more than one religion, we can project that all people
and all souls go to hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can
expect the number of souls in hell to increase
exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change in
volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the
temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the
ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay
constant. There are two possible conditions.
One, if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the
rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and
pressure in hell will increase exponentially until all
hell breaks loose. Conversely, if hell is expanding at
a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, than
the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes
over, condition two.
We can solve this with the 1990 postulation of
Theresa LeClair, the girl who lived across the hall from
me in first year residence. Since I have still not been
successful in obtaining sexual relations with her,
condition two above has not been met, and thus it can be
concluded that condition one is true, and hell is
exothermic.
A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for
his graduate students. It had one question:
"Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
(absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof."
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using
Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is
compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the
following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing
in time. So, we need to know the rate that souls are moving
into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can
safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not
leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many
souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions
that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state
that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to
Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and
since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can
project that all people and all souls go to Hell. With birth
and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls
in Hell increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of
change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that
in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the
same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate
at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and
pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell
breaks loose.
2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster
than the increase of souls in Hell, then the
temperature and pressure will drop until Hell
freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me
by Ms. Therese Banyan during my Freshman year, "That it will
be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you," and take
into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in
having sexual relations with her, then #2 cannot be true, and
so Hell is exothermic.
This student got the only A.