Audi
Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
Always Unsafe Designs Implemented
BMW
Bad Motor Works
Big Money Waste
Bimbette Motor Weapon
Blasphemous Motorized Wreck
Born Moderately Wealthy
Bought My Wife
Break My Windows
Broken Monstrous Wonder
Bumbling Mechanical Wretch
Buick
Big Ugly Indestructible Compact Killer
Chevrolet
Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
Car Has Expensive Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips
Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
Cracked Heads, Every Valve's Rotten, Oil Leaks Every Time
Dodge
Damn Old Dirty Gas Eater
Dead On Day Guarantee Expires
Dead On Delivery, Guarantee Expired
Drips Oil, Drops Grease, Everywhere
Drinks Oil, Drops Gears, Everywhere
Edsel
Every Day Something Else Leaks
Fiat
Failure in Italian Automotive Technology
Feeble Italians Attempt Transportation
Fix It Again, Tony
Ford
Fabricated Of Recycled Dung
Fails On Rainy Days
Failure On Research & Development
Fast Only Rolling Downhill
Fault Of Research and Development
Fireball On Rear Denting
First On Recall Day
First On Road To Dump
First On Rust And Deterioration
Fix Or Recycle Dilemma
Fix Or Repair Daily
Flintstone Or Rubble Driven
Flipped Over Roadside Disaster
Forced On Reluctant Drivers
Found On Redneck's Driveway
Found On Road, Dead
Found On Rubbish Dump
Frequent Opinion: Really Disappointed
Frequent Overall, Rapid Deterioration
Fuckin' Old Rebuilt Dodge
Fumes & Odors Readily Detectable
(for White Broncos): Features O.J.'s and Ron's DNA
(for LTD's): Found On Road Disabled, Left To Die
...and backwards: Driver Returns On Foot
GM
General Maintenance
Goddamned Mess
Great Mistake
GMC
Garage Man's Companion
Generally Mediocre Cars
Got Maintenance Coming
Honda
Had One; Never Did Again!
Hyundai
Hope You Understand Nothing's Drivable And Inexpensive
How Your Usual Nerd Drives An Import
Iroc
I'd Rather Own A Corvette
I'm Really Out of Cash
It's Really Only A Camaro
Italian Retard Out Cruising
Jeep
Just Eats Every Part
LTD
Last Try for Detroit
Left To Die
Long Term Debt
Lousy Transportation, Dammit!
Mazda
Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along
MG
Money Guzzler
Mitsubishi
Made In Taiwan, Subassembled Under British Influence, Shipped Here
Incomplete
Mostly In The Shop Undergoing Big Investments, Sometimes Halfway
Incomplete
Mopar
Miscellaneous Oddball Parts, Assembled Ridiculously
Mostly Old Paint And Rust
My Only Problems Are Repairs
Oldsmobile
Oh Look, Dammit, Some Massive Oil Burning Idiot's Leaking
Everywhere
Old Ladies Driving Slow, Mostly On Bridges In Lake Eerie
Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late
Everyday/where
Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular
Leftover Equipment
Pinto
Put In Nickel To Operate
Pontiac
Poor Old Nit-wit, Thinks It's A Cadillac
Puts Out Noxious Toxins In All Cities
Porsche
Piece Of Retired Scrap, Continuously High Expense
Probably Obtained Recently, Since Car-owner Hocked Everything
Saab
Send Another Automobile Back
Swedish Automobiles Always Broken
Saturn
Supposedly American Technology, Unfortunately Really Nissan
Toyota
Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto
Volvo
Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object
VW
Virtually Worthless