The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered
by physicists.
The element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons
or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does
have:
1 Neutron,
125 Assistant Neutrons,
75 Vice Neutrons, and
111 Assistant Vice Neutrons.
This gives it an atomic mass of 312. The 312 particles are
held together by a force that involves the continuous exchange of
meson-like particles called morons.
Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However
it can be detected chemically as it impedes action with which it
comes in contact. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of
Administratium caused one reaction to take four days to complete
when it would have normally occurred in less than one second.
Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three
years, at which time it does not actually decay but instead
undergoes a reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice
neutrons and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. Some studies
have shown that atomic mass actually increases after each
reorganization.
Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratium
occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at
certain points such as government agencies, large corporations and
universities and can usually be found in the newest, best appointed
and best maintained buildings.
Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic
at any level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive
reaction where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being
made to determine how Administratium can be controlled to prevent
irreversible damage, but results to date are not promising.