Who's Who of Viruses


Adam and Eve Virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
Airline Virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
Woody Allen Virus: Bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card.
AT&T Virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
John Bobbit Virus: Removes a vital part of your hard disk then re- attaches it. (But that part will never work again.)
Lorena Bobbit Virus: Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy.
George Bush Virus: It starts by boldly stating, "Read my docs... No new files!" on the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressional Virus.
Joey Buttafuaco Virus: Only attacks minor files.
Chicago Cubs Virus: Your computer makes frequent mistakes and comes in last in the reviews, but you still love it.
Cleveland Indians Virus: Makes your 486/50 machine perform like a 286/AT.
Hillary Rodham Clinton Virus: Instantly turns 1K of disk space into 1 Meg.
Congressional Virus: 1The computer locks up, the screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem. 2Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.
Mario Cuomo Virus: It would be a great virus, but if refuses to run.
Elvis Virus: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy and then self-destructs, only to surface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.
Federal Bureaucrat Virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer.
Jane Fonda Virus: Attacks your hard drive's FAT.
Freudian Virus: 1Your computer becomes obsessed with (or with marrying) its own motherboard. 2Your computer becomes very jealous of the size of your friend's hard drive.
Gallup Virus: Sixty percent of the computers infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error).
Government Virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
Government Economist Virus: See Government Virus.
Tonya Harding Virus: Turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons.
Health Care Virus: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.
Jimmy Hoffa Virus: 1Nobody can find it. 2Your programs can never be found again.
Michael Jackson Virus: 1Hard to identify because it is constantly altering its appearance. This virus won't harm your computer, but it will trash your car. 2Preys on child processes (It's Bad, It's Bad, you know it!).
Jack Kevorkian Virus: 1Helps your computer shut down whenever it wants to. 2Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.
LAPD Virus: It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your computer and erases them in Self-defense.
Imelda Marcos Virus: Sings you a song (slightly off key) on start up and then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy.
MCI Virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T Virus.
New World Order Virus: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.
Nike Virus: Just does it!
Ollie North Virus: 1Turns your printer into a paper shredder. 2Plays a patriotic .WAV while it shreds your files.
PBS Virus: Your computer stops every few minutes to ask for money.
Ross Perot Virus: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits.
Politically Correct Virus: Never calls itself a "virus," but instead, it refers to itself as an Electronic Microorganism.
Dan Quayle Virus: Prevents your system from spawning any child processes without joining into a binary network.
Dan Quayle Virus 2: Their is sumthing rong with your compeuter, end ewe jest cant figour out watt.
Terry Randle Virus: Prints, "Oh no you don't!" whenever you chose "Abort" from the "Abort, Retry, or Fail," message.
Ronald Reagan Virus: Saves your data, but forgets where it's stored.
Paul Revere Virus: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It wars you of impending hard disk attack (Once if by LAN, Twice if by C [or C:>]).
Right to Life Virus: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old or useless it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.
Oral Roberts Virus: Claims that if you don't send it a million dollars, it's programmer will take it back.
Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back...
Sears Virus: Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power supply, and a set of shocks.
O.J. Simpson Virus: It claims that it did not, could not and would not delete two of your files and vows to find the virus that did it.
Star Trek Virus: Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.
Texas Virus: Make sure that it's bigger than any other file.
Ted Turner Virus: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
Oprah Winfrey Virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.