Amish:
1. Shit is good for the soil.
2. This modern shit is worthless.
Anglicanism: It's true, shit does happen -- but only to Lutherans.
Atheism:
1. I don't believe this shit.
2. It looks and smells like shit, so I'm damned if I'm going to
taste it.
3. Shit doesn't happen. Shit is dead.
4. No shit!
Religion from an Atheist's point of view: I haven't smelt, seen,
touched, or tasted it. But it's shit.
Bahaism: Why do you keep shitting on us?
Baptist:
1. You are shitting all wrong, and you'll be punished for it.
2. We'll wash the shit right off you.
Baptist, Southern: Shit will happen. Praise the lord.
Buddhism:
1. If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
2. If shit happens, it isn't really happening TO anyone.
3. Shit will happen again to you next time.
Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
Catholicism:
1. If shit happens, you [probably] deserved it.
2. You were born shit, you are shit, and you will die shit.
Catholicism, Charismatic: Shit is happening because you deserve
it, but we love you anyway.
Christian Science:
1. When shit happens, don't call a doctor--pray.
2. Shit doesn't happen and I am not up to my eyeballs in it.
3. Our shit will take care of itself.
4. Shit in in your mind.
5. The less we know about why shit happens, the better off we'll
be.
Confucianism:
1. Confucious say, "Shit happens".
2. Confucious says, "If shit has to happen, let it happen
PROPERLY."
3. If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
Darwinism: Survival of the shittiest.
Dianetics: "Why does shit happen?" (p. 157)
Energizer Bunny: Shit happens and keeps going and going and going
and...
Episcopalianism: If shit happens, hold a procession.
EST:
1. I am at cause that shit will not happen.
2. You're responsible for all the shit that happens.
Fundamentalism:
1. There's no shit in the Bible.
2. Shit happens, but don't publish it.
Hare Krishna:
1. Shit Happens, Rama Rama Ding Ding.
2. She-it happens, She-it happens, happens, happens, she-it,
she-it... (Repeat until you become one with she-it)
3. Please this flower and buy our shit.
Hinduism:
1. I've seen this shit before.
2. This shit is not a religion, it is the way of life.
3. This shit happening IS you.
4. Shit has happened before.
Iraqi Baathist: Oh shit!
Islam:
1. If this shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
2. If shit happens, take a hostage.
3. We don't take any shit.
Islam, Nation of: Don't take no shit!
Jehovah's Witnesses:
1. No shit happens until Armaggedon.
2. There is only a limited amount of good shit.
3. Knock Knock, "Shit Happens."
4. Here, we insist you take our shit.
5. Shit happens door to door.
6. Satan made all that shit happen.
Judaism:
1. Why does shit always happen to us?
2. Why does shit always happen just before closing the deal?
Judaism, Reform: Got any laxatives?
Lutheranism: Shit happens, but as long as you're sorry, it's OK.
Moonies: Only happy shit really happens.
Mormonism:
1. If shit happens, shun it.
2. Excrement happens (you can't say shit in Utah)
3. Hey, there's more shit over here!
4. Our shit is better than your shit.
5. Shit happens again & again & again ...
Mysticism: This is really weird shit.
New Age:
1. That's not shit, it's feldspar.
2. A firm shit does not happen to me.
3. This isn't shit if I really believe it's chocolate.
4. I create my own shit.
5. If shit happens, honor it and share it.
6. Sheeeeeeeeeeit!
7. Were all part of the same shit.
8. For $300, we can help you get in touch with your inner shit.
Orthodox: St. Sergius found his faith in deep shit.
Orthodox, Greek: Shit happens, usually in three's.
Paganism: Shit happens for a variety of reasons.
Protestantism:
1. If shit happens, it happens to someone else.
2. If shit happens, praise the lord for it!
3. Let shit happen to someone else.
Rajhneesh: Give us your shit and put on this orange shit.
Rastafarianism:
1. Let's smoke this shit!
2. Hey, this is good shit, mon.
Rosicrucianism: What is this AMORC shit?
Satanism:
1. We hope bad shit happens to all of you.
2. We will make your shit happen.
Scientology:
1. All this happens to be shit.
2. If you leave us, bad shit will happen to you.
3. It's actually alien shit happening.
Secular Humanism: Shit evolves.
7th Day Adventism: Shit happens on Saturdays.
Shamanism: Whoaa... Holy Shit!
Shintoism: You inherit the shit of your ancestors.
Sikhism: Leave our shit alone
Stoicism: This shit is good for me.
Sureshism: You are all pieces of shit.
Taoism:
1. Shit happens.
2. If you can shit, it isn't shit.
3. Shit happens, so flow with it.
Televangelism: Your tax-deductible donation could make this shit
stop happening.
Twelve Step: Shit happens one day at a time.
Unitarianism:
1. What is this Shit?
2. We affirm the right for shit to happen.
3. Go ahead, shit anywhere you want.
4. It's not the shit that matters. It's the process.
Voodoo:
1. Shit doesn't just happen -- somebody dumped it on you.
2. Let's stick some pins in this shit!
3. This shit's gonna get you
Wicca:
1. If shit happened once, it will happen twice more.
2. The Goddess makes shit happen.
Witchcraft: Mix this shit together and it will happen.
Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?
Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half the time.