Love: Before and After Marriage

Before: You take my breath away.
After: I feel like I'm suffocating.

Before: Twice a night.
After: Twice a month.

Before: She says she loves the way I take control of a situation.
After: She called me a controlling, manipulative, egomaniac.

Before: Lucy and Ricky.
After: Fred and Ethyl.

Before: Saturday night fever.
After: Monday night football.

Before: He makes me feel like a million dollars.
After: If I had a dime for every stupid thing he's done.

Before: Don't stop.
After: Don't start.

Before: The sound of music.
After: The sounds of silence.

Before: Is that all you're having?
After: Maybe you should have just a salad, honey.

Before: Wheel of fortune.
After: Jeopardy.

Before: It's like I'm living in a dream.
After: It's like he lives in a dorm.

Before: $60/dozen.
After: $1.50/stem.

Before: Turbo charged.
After: Jump-start.

Before: We agree on everything.
After: Doesn't she have a mind of her own?

Before: Victoria's secret.
After: Fruit of the Loom.

Before: Charming and noble.
After: Chernobyl.

Before: Feathers and handcuffs.
After: Ball and chain.

Before: Idol.
After: Idle.

Before: I love a woman with curves.
After: I never said you were fat.

Before: He's completely lost without me.
After: Why won't he ever ask for directions?

Before: Time stood still.
After: This relationship is going nowhere.

Before: Croissant and cappuccino.
After: Bagel and instant coffee.

Before: You look so seductive in black.
After: Your clothes are so depressing.

Before: Oysters.
After: Fishsticks.

Before: I can hardly believe we found each other.
After: I can't believe I ended up with someone like you.

Before: Passion.
After: Ration.