East Versus West


[Found in an East Coast office of a major computer manufacturer.]

     Here's a handy guide for those of you who have to deal with vendors, customers, or other divisions on the left coast.

East Coast:    Absolutely not
West Coast:    Maybe

East Coast:    Yes
West Coast:    Maybe

East Coast:    Action item by Feb 12 for Joe
West Coast:    Joe's working on the problem

East Coast:    Bozo
West Coast:    Subcontractor

East Coast:    Brawl
West Coast:    Design review

East Coast:    Dictator
West Coast:    Facilitator

East Coast:    Do it and do it now
West Coast:    Can you sign up for this program?

East Coast:    Do it right or you're fired
West Coast:    I'm confident you'll get it done

East Coast:    Fuck off
West Coast:    Trust me

East Coast:    Follow the spec
West Coast:    Is there a spec?

East Coast:    Get out of my office
West Coast:    Let's get concensus on this one

East Coast:    He's a jerk
West Coast:    He's not signed on to our plan

East Coast:    He's a subordinate
West Coast:    He's a team player

East Coast:    I'll cover your ass
West Coast:    Consider me your resource

East Coast:    Ignore him, he's new
West Coast:    I'm bringing him up to speed

East Coast:    Local bar
West Coast:    Offsite facility

East Coast:    Meet me in the parking lot
West Coast:    Let's take that discussion offline

East Coast:    Oh shit
West Coast:    Thanks for bringing that to my attention

East Coast:    Overdesigned
West Coast:    Robust

East Coast:    Punch his lights out
West Coast:    Constructive confrontation

East Coast:    Shut the fuck up
West Coast:    Thank you for your input

East Coast:    Shut up a minute
West Coast:    Let me share this with you

East Coast:    That's totally incompetent
West Coast:    Let me build on that point

East Coast:    Unemployed
West Coast:    Consulting

East Coast:    Over budget
West Coast:    On schedule

East Coast:    Under budget
West Coast:    We haven't started yet

East Coast:    We finished early
West Coast:    (no translation available)

East Coast:    We're done
West Coast:    How do you feel about that?

East Coast:    What's your problem?
West Coast:    I certainly understand your feelings

East Coast:    Where's the spec?
West Coast:    What's a spec?

East Coast:    Where's the schedule?
West Coast:    What's the game plan?

East Coast:    Your plan sucks
West Coast:    Let me share my feelings on this plan